Mom Recently Diagnosed

ams70

Hello! My mom was diagnosed in June with early onset ALZ. We had suspicions and they were confirmed, but it still hard to accept. She and my father live down the street from me. My dad has Parkinson's and she is his main caregiver. I help take them to doctor's appointments, often cook meals, do yardwork, help with finances and anything else they need. My brother lives in VT and my sister lives about 20 minutes away and does her best to step in. Unfortunately, we are at the point of my dad needing more help, because my mom is so stressed out, but refuses our help or doesn't remember conversations had about accepting help. She has also become more combative. We have joined a monthly support group and know this is just the tip of the iceberg and would love to have more support than just once a month. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.

SDianeL

welcome. So sorry about your Mom. Your Mom has Anosognosia which is A neurological condition that prevents people from recognizing or acknowledging their mental health or neurological deficits so discussing or arguing won’t help. You could try the Alzheimer’s toll free number to see if there are other support groups in your area or online. Some Memory Care facilities have them that are open to the public. I found what helped me the most was learning all I could about the disease and asking questions on this online forum. The book “The 36 Hour Day” helped me a lot. Tam Cummings videos online are helpful. Talk to your Moms doctor about medication to reduce your Mom’s anxiety and agitation. Fib to your Mom. Tell her the help is for your Dad, the doctor prescribed it and tell her insurance pays for it. Sadly with your Dad’s progressive illness you may have to place your Mom in Memory Care. It’s not safe for either of them the way it is now. Do you have DPOA & HIPPA forms? So sorry you are going through this with your parents. 💜

H1235

Welcome. I will just add a bit to the good advice sdianel gave. The legal part is very important you should probably have DPOA for both mom and dad. A living will is also a good idea. Anosognosia is very difficult to deal with. Never try to reason with her, her brain just can’t see logic and it will just cause anger and an argument. It best to do what needs to be done without telling her, fib to her or quickly change the subject, whichever works. Medication will help with moods, but it can take a while to find the best medication and dose for her. Dementia is expensive, I would recommend taking a look at their finances to see what they can afford and to make sure he is still on top of things. If you are thinking assisted living or memory care are a plan b, you should keep in mind that there can be a waiting list. You might want to see what the situation is in your area, I’ve waited 6 months. You can usually just turn it down a remain on the top of the list if your not ready when they call. I also agree with learning more about dementia. I have attended a couple of resources that might be helpful.

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf