Violent spouse with dementia

Eloise0304

My D husband gets agitated and so do I and we argue all the time. When I think I am helping I am just aggravating him even more. Just today put on pants backwards and refused to change them He pushed me away and I fell. Lesson learned, let him fail, try to leave for good but tied financially

Any one can tell me how to leave?

Eloise0304

Eloise0304

Jgirl57

I don’t worry when my DH puts his pants on backwards. Things are no longer “normal” . Sorry that you are both arguing. Sometimes it’s hard to stop but it is only going to cause you more grief. Glad you posted and I hope you find a way to keep your self safe. If he is not already on medication you might ask his doctor

SDianeL

It’s the disease causing him to act that way, it’s not him. As we say here, rule number one never argue with someone with dementia. Unless it’s a safety issue. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Try laying out his clothes on the bed. Shorts front facing down. Same with shirt. Or change to pull on pants that won’t matter if they are on backwards. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiving videos. If you fear for your safety, call 911 and have him taken to the hospital and admitted to the Geri Psyche ward. They will give him meds to help the agitation. If you want to leave I would speak to an attorney first. You may be held responsible if you just leave. So sorry you are going through this. We know how you feel.

tboard

I have found it is best to leave DH alone when he puts his pants on wrong. If he asks for help I am there. I have learned to never argue with him or do anything that will make him angry. It isn't my husband who is lashing out it is the disease.

I have no idea how to get through this, I take it one day at a time. Living with someone who has dementia is a special kind of hell.

cdgbdr

You do need some help. Please call his doctor about his behaviors and see if he can get medications. If he's violent, call 911. You might also contact your local agency on Aging to ask for an evaluation. You may qualify for some help. They may also recommend another type of care.

Eloise0304

He won't take any medicine so that is not an option, can I spike his drinks

And what if has a bad reaction and he lashes out instead of calm

Eloise0304

JulietteBee

No! You cannot spike his drink! That is illegal!

Metta

Please try to find support from a physician. I try to remind myself that my DH will mirror me. If I keep a calm and happy outlook, he mirrors me most of the time. I have learned to save my "no's" and to praise him all the time I can, telling him how good he looks, how I love his shirt… Then he is more accepting of my help. Seroquel/Quetiapine is also essential. It was the only thing that stopped his aggression. He had never been violent.