New here, adding introduction

Caitlyn1970

Hello all! Guess it's my turn to introduce myself here. I'm Catherine, eldest daughter of a mother with Alzheimer's (among other issues). I've "known" for years something was up with her, but living 400 miles away made it hard to put my finger on what. After your standard "fall & break a hip" scenario, she's now in an ALF, and I'm left with driving to see her every other weekend to support her, while being her Financial POA. What a hot mess that is. I can honestly say I wasn't ready for everything this disease brings, wish I would have found this organization sooner.
I plan to pretty much just stalk other's discussions & offer support from afar when I can. Sending hugs to those who need them.

JulietteBee

Welcome, though I am saddened you have embarked upon this horrific journey. We, along with our PWD, are all at different points, but those in this group that are ahead of us are always gracious and kind in imparting knowledge from lessons learned.

Stalk away! I know I do. 🫂

ARIL

Hi, Catherine. Welcome, and yes, I have lived the life you describe and know it is untenable for the long haul (the exhaustion! the driving! the phone calls from all and sundry at random times! the worry and sleeplessness). Yeah, I empathize, believe me. I eventually moved my dad to a facility near me; it’s still tough, but differently. Looking back over the past several years, I see the phases…

Hang in there. You are doing critical work. Wishing you peace.

H1235

Welcome. The Caring Long Distance doesn’t get as many people. Make sure to check out caring for a parent and general topics. You will find a lot of great advice and resources here. I have attached some basic information that I wish I had had in the beginning.

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/managing-someone-elses-money/

harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome @Caitlyn1970 . I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

Long distance caregiver is one of the toughest gigs on the planet— I'm sorry it landed on your shoulders. Ideally, a PWD is near their POA. I'm my parents' only surviving child, so when it became obvious they weren't safe living independently away from family, I moved them nearer me. My aunt did that when she became guardian for a sibling with dementia as well. It's not always possible/practical, especially if there is a surviving spouse or the person with medical POA is nearer.

Since your the financial POA, you bear the fiduciary obligation to manage mom's money prudently and to make sure you don't make any decisions that would compromise her eligibility for Institutional Medicaid in the event she outlives her assets. I found it useful to go over my rights and obligations with my parents' DPOAs with the lawyer who drew them up. You'll need to be watching gifting (you can't just give a car away or let someone live rent free in her home under most circumstances) and letting property depreciate (like a car). You'll want to make sure the facility in which she lives will transition her to Medicaid if she runs out of money. If this is a possibility, you'll need a different facility and may need to plan on being self-pay 2-3 years before she needs a Medicaid bed.

HB