Mother is getting worse

ddrouillard

So my mom has been showing signs of dementia/Alzheimers for over a year now. We recently found out that she has atrophy of the brain but did not ask them to test for the reason.
She, and my daughter and her family, are living with me temporarily because to add insult to injury she had a tree fall on her house so they are staying with me. My daughter moved in with her when we realized things were getting bad.
Anyway, she’s been at my house for almost three months and it feels like she’s getting worse. Not only is her memory non existent she allows no space. By that I mean when I get home from work she will not stop asking questions. She will literally follow me to my room asking questions. She may go back to the couch but she will soon come back and ask more questions. “What day is it”, “Who’s house is this”, Where’s Derek”. (Im Derek). On and on. Her behavior is so unusual to me sometimes I’m at a loss as to how I am supposed to manage this.
What do it do and please don’t ask me to be patient.?

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your Mom. The behavior is common with dementia. Brain atrophy or white matter disease is dementia. You manage it by learning all you can about the disease and caregiving. The book “The 36 Hour Day” helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiving videos. Tam Cummings has good ones. Your Mom’s brain is broken. Her memory is gone. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. You will learn to redirect or distract her. Remember it’s not her, it’s the disease. The way you react can increase her anxiety and make it worse. Search online for a chart of the 7 stages of dementia that lists behaviors and you will see how she might progress. Come here often for info and support.

harshedbuzz

@ddrouillard

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here, but pleased you found this place.

Dementia is progressive unless the PWD dies from some other condition first. Progression in Alzheimer's is generally steady, although a hospitalization, infection, fracture or anesthesia can move a person to the next stage seemingly overnight. Vascular dementia tends to progress in a series of significant drops in cognition followed by plateaus before the next drop.

Not only is this typical dementia behavior, but it's also at least mid-stage given your description. If she's actually following you, this is called shadowing and can be emotionally exhausting.

This is a DBAT that will help you figure out what stage of dementia you're seeing. FWIW, doctors tend to use a 3-stage model for the disease based on treatments while caregivers use one of the 7-stage versions that align with symptoms, care and safety needs.

DBAT.pdf

One option, given the "gift" of that tree limb crash, might be to use it as an excuse for her to move to a MCF where she'll have dementia-informed care and programming. Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver and at some point, soon, she'll need 24/7 supervision. You could explain it as her staying in a senior hotel until her home is habitable. Rinse and repeat.

HB

understanding-the-dementia-experience (1).pdf

The above is useful for understanding this from mom's side of things which might help you manage your own expectations and reactions around this.

H1235

Welcome. You have been given great advice. Do you have legal matters handled. Most importantly someone should have a DPOA. She should also have a will, medical poa and a living will would be nice. This just states what kind of care she will want towards the end of life ( feeding tubes, cancer treatments etc.) If these haven’t been done I would make this a top priority. Eventually a lawyer will not let her sign and that will make everything more difficult. I assume you are managing her finances. You’re going to want to take a good look at everything to see where she is at financially. It doesn’t sound like she will be safe to live alone anymore. Is living with you going to be a long term thing? You talk about getting home from work, this may be a problem if she is home alone during the day. My mom lived with my brother, but eventually it just wasn’t safe for her to be there by herself. She almost started a fire because she forgot she had bacon on the stove. If you are thinking assisted living, there can be a waiting list. This is also very very expensive. There is always Medicaid, but it may not cover assisted living in your state. There is a lot to consider. Ask questions here as they come up.