Feeling Low

Biggles

I have been feeling so low today. Usually I’m on top of things, we do all sorts of wonderful things to stop the sads rushing in but today I realised how silent I have become. DH has VD and aphasia, word salad is now the norm day and night, sounds and hand signals too. If I am in the garden and he wants me he lets out a little gentle whistle. It’s so sad. We went to the shops today and it’s a slow shuffle around the place holding on to a trolly for balance and to keep up the slow pace. We can’t even talk about the weather, it’s me making a statement. I put on a Michael Bouble CD when we got home and we danced in the kitchen, me badly singing just to hear a voice. It’s hard.

blacksparky

I know exactly how you feel. My DW has very limited conversational skills yet I find myself talking to her like we used to years ago. I keep telling myself to just not talk but it’s a hard habit to break. I’m working on keeping conversations to a few words.

Karen711

My wife is in the word salad phase, occasionally getting out a clear sentence that sometimes makes sense, other times not. My interpretation skills go down as the days goes on. It sounds like you two have worked out some other inventive modes of communication, to your credit. Singing, however badly, is a beautiful exchange for words- still, such a profound loss. I guess we just have to let ourselves be sad. Sending you a hug Biggles!💜

RetiredTeacher

Your friends on this forum understand your sadness. Just expressing it is cathartic and your whistle signal may help others in a similar position. Hugs from us here to you, we do understand….one day at a time..

jfkoc

The life lived by one with two in the same house ….beyond quiet….beyond lonely…….

SDianeL

so sorry. We understand the sadness and loneliness. 😢💜

Carl46

Sorry, Biggles. I have read that loneliness is a bad for the health as smoking 16 cigarettes per day. I hope you can find respite in some way.

WIGO23

I find myself feeling numb a lot of the time these days. It is as if I have put up a protective shield against feelings of loneliness or loss or longing for how things were and get through the really tough days by “doing not feeling”. Does that resonate with others?

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249524#Comment_249524

yes it does. We go through the motions to get things done. I wonder if that is a defense mechanism to keep us from feeling? Hugs.

wose

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249524#Comment_249524

Yes, I am numb and devoid of feelings. I saw a mouse in our garage the other day and didn’t even blink. I am terrified of mice bugs etc….Normally I would have jumped up on something and screamed in terror. Nope..Nothing.. just a note in my brain file to buy a mouse trap😧

PEMDAS

I’m in the same boat. This disease makes me feel so isolated. I’m usually on it but today I have the blues.

Biggles

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249409#Comment_249409

Thankyou 😟💕

Biggles

Yes that resonates. Doing lots of things together maskes the sadness a lot of the time.

Biggles

Thankyou so much it’s so comforting to have people who not only share and care but understand as well. It’s such an awful situation to be in. Thankyou.

Timmyd

The crying and meltdowns from DW have become so common it feels like I am becoming insensitive to her suffering. 🙁

CindyBum

Oh, Biggles. How I share the pain of all the quiet and word salads. All the things I wish I could tell my DW, but can’t because she now understands so little. All the things my DW tries to tell me, with such earnestness and passion, with nothing but a random assortment of words and grunts. The loneliness and emptiness with a few treasured dances and smiles here and there.

Big hug.

Metta

It is lonely even as we sit together for hours a day. We are essentially housebound now. DH is too anxious to go out, and incontinent. He has just enough mobility to get in and out of the car to go to a doctor's appointment, but very confused and often unable to remember how to get out of the car when we get home because he is exhausted. And the isolation grows… But we do have loving moments at home. I hold onto those and weep when he cannot see me.

Biggles

Thank you so much for the understanding and sharing Metta it’s such a horrible situation. We do have a lot of loving moments but the loneliness pervades like an icy breeze. We have a 14 month old puppy that demands attention so it’s throw a ball, chase him and his squeeze toy etc he’s such a happy little pup radiates sunshine and it picks me up when I am down.

FAHNJL

I firmly believe that this loneliness will shorten my life. And my response to that is, yeah, whatever. Bless you folks for being here.