Have no support

Eloise0304

Once I reached out to family and friends about DH , they avoid me like a disease. Now I am fully isolated and am constantly apologizing for him or arguing with him.

CarolinaWren

I’m sorry. I really don’t have much support either. It’s very lonely.

aronia

I don't know how you don't argue. I'm really new to this as well. I do ok for several days and then I lose patience. I'm fortunate to have some support from our son who is disabled. I hope you find support. I hear these groups can be good.

BPS

I was surprising to me how people you have known and helped physically and financially for years can just disappear or offer to help and never follow through when dementia is involved, but it seems to be pretty common.

tonyac2

I don’t think people really understand how to interact with PWD. It’s uncomfortable, messy. Unless you live this life, you have no idea what it’s about or how much help the caregiver needs. Not just with their LO, but emotional support, someone to talk to, just someone to care that your life is extremely difficult with no real answers. I guess like Bill says, the Calvary isn’t coming. :( That’s so sad to think about.

JulietteBee

@Eloise0304

I can so totally relate! I shared my mom's dementia diagnosis with her siblings. Mom has told NO ONE. I secretly hoped they would have started visiting her more often. They are not short on funds.

I certainly thought they could at least reach out to me to find out latest updates or even check on me. I am an only child who has been fighting my own life threatening disease for longer than mom has had dementia.

Sadly, as previously stated, "the cavalry is not coming" and we must accept the reality of the situation we find ourselves in.

I am now of the belief that people are unsure of how to interact with an adult-toddler. My mom's mannerisms and logic is fully recognized as those of a pre-teen.

Virtual hugs to you & you are not alone! Come online for emotional support as often as you need to.🫂

Chris20cm

Very true. So common in fact, that someone should have told us. Your family will distance and all but totally desert you and your LO. You will yearn for help and respite but you won't get much, if any at all. I asked also and always got turned down except once in 8 years, for two days.

Don't make the mistake of counting on family to give you relief. If you somehow should be fortunate enough to have a family member help, be grateful.

Sorry but that's the sad truth, in many if not most cases.

Metta

One of the reasons I joined this community was to break the isolation. DH was abandoned by both of his adult children (in their 40s) after being an exceptionally dedicated and generous father their whole lives. I was astonished. Before his illness, he used to talk with his daughter on the phone 3-6 times/day, and we moved to the town in Florida where we live because his son lives 20 minutes away. He gave his children everything he had. Now all we have is this house and his pension, which ends when he dies. I think they are angry there is nothing more for them. It is heartbreaking. He has lucid moments when he cries looking at the photos of his grandchildren.

Chris20cm

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249688#Comment_249688

This community, along with the development of some online supportive friendships with others in similar circumstances, have been a wonderful lifeline for me, otherwise the loneliness, isolation and ambiguous loss of the love of my life, would be intolerable.

Thank God for others who care, even if we have never met them in person. It is validating and eases the pain. Please keep communicating, and feel free to rant sometimes, I do.

addy103

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73671/have-no-support

I have a lot of support and still couldn't deal with him, but your right people don't invite you out socially the way you do. Find a support group, get a certified elder lawyer.