Stepping in on finances

Patricia5

Hello, My DH was diagnosed about 1 1/2 year ago. With meds (Donepezil), he seemed to be on an even keel for about six months, we upped the dosage some, but he is now declining again.

We mostly keep our finances separate. I have begun to worry that he will spend on extraneous things (he recently placed an order for a new dishwasher six times—thankfully, we did not have six dishwashers arrive at our door) and am not sure when he says he purchased things if he has or not (and how many).

I'd appreciate any tips/advice on how to manage this situation and help while allowing him to be as independent as he still can be. Many thanks.

addy103

I went through the same thing, turn off credit and debit cards. Keep all you fiancee separate so you will not be responsible. See a certified elder lawyer asap

Gator1976

You must cut him off of credit cards/ bank accts and stock accts. You need to declare yourself his caregiver to all those who care for him, doctors, hospitals, any medical care he gets, so you can make decisions that affect him. I allows you to take over managing his care on a legal basis so you can make the best decisions for him. Please see an attorney to have the proper documents drawn and signed ASAP. that would include power of attorney, living will, advance directive and healthcare surrogate documents. It's for yours and his protection.

weareallunique

"While allowing him to be as independent as he still can be." If a PWD is allowed access to funds - in any variety- cash, on line, cards- they can lose or be scammed out of the very funds that will provide a standard of care for them and their family. Penniless isn't independence.

I posted this article in the " I am a caregiver" section a few weeks ago :

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/millions-stolen-death-threats-should-banks-do-more-to-fight-pig-butchering/ar-AA1IV76s

Seconding —If you haven't already please see an elder law attorney to make long term plans and get your documents in order.

cavenson

In the meantime, go on-line and freeze his credit at Equifax, Experian, and Transunion. My DH, who has bought some questionable things on-line, still has a credit card. Our bank has been very good about contacting us if he makes an unusual purchase and blocking it. You can go on-line and reduce the credit limit to a low amount. Also, I have on-line access to his account that I check every couple of days so I can see what purchases he has made. I do have DPOA, which the bank he uses has approved; but, for now, I'm not going to take the credit card away—though I agree with all of you that it would be the safest thing to do. When his kids take him out, he likes to be able to pay for a meal or fill up their gas tank. So, as long as he can still do that, I'd like him to have that independence.

Patricia5

Thank you all.

CMC62

I have done pretty much the same as @cavenson suggests above. I actually closed his credit card accounts, but gave him a card to one of my credit cards. I told him it was to make it easier for me to make sure I did not miss a bill and he said okay. This way I get notified of every purchase almost immediately, and he still carries a debit and credit card around to buy one of the kids lunch, or something else, when they are together. I had the limit on the credit card lowered, and the debit card is only linked to one small checking account. I did freeze our credit with all 3 credit reporting companies. I have all the POA docs executed, and I have online access to everything. I just keep monitoring. He has not tried moving funds around, and I don't think he would even know how to do it at this point.

weareallunique

Is your PWD able to have on line or phone access where a scammer can reach them? That sort is masterful at how to get people to share info and plays on ego to be their secret friend .

Monitoring is like the old barn door - you'll see what assets were taken promptly BUT can you recover the lost funds?

Bluntly, the disease is progressive, it involves the loss of memory and executive judgement. Do you want them having access to more than a limited debit card because it makes you feel abilities aren't being lost or because your assets are truly safe?

And if you have a trust , discuss with your attorney when/if the PWD should resign as a trustee[ manager] - that way they can no longer manage trust assets - they'd still be a trustor [owner] with the management done by you or the back up named in the trust document if something happens to you.

l7pla1w2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249899#Comment_249899

I'll add a detail that @CMC62 alluded to. Most credit card companies provide a feature where they will send you email or text for any transactions, especially "card-not-present". You can set the threshold to zero, which means you will get notified of any such charges, which would give you an early heads-up about an unexpected charge. The feature is useful for all of us, because you will also be notified of a fraudulent charge on your card.

harshedbuzz

@Patricia5

Independence is an illusion. There is no do-over if he gets scammed or makes some disastrous financial moves.

You need to take over the finances. Full stop. Dementia is an expensive disease for which there is little financial help. At some point you will need to hire in-home aides in order to leave the house for respite or to take care of your own personal needs around shopping, medical care, hair styling and respite breaks. At some point, placement in a MCF may be necessary if his care needs exceed what you are able to provide at home or if you are unable to provide care because of illness, injury or death. Six years ago, pre-COVID, dad's aides were just over $30/hour and his MCF was $7200/month.

There are 2 real risks here if you don't. The first is that you will need money for his care. Separating funds without Trusts in place mean that some of your assets will be available for his care even if that was not your intention. The other is that he could make certain financial moves that could delay or prevent him qualifying for Institutional Medicaid which is the safety net should he outlive his assets and those the government deems available to his care.

HB,

whose dad day-traded away @$360K while her mom refused to "take away your dad's independence".

JulietteBee

@Patricia5

With dementia, independence is a quickly disappearing commodity. Today, he may have it. Tomorrow, it could be gone. You do not want to become a statistic or a case in point on the evening news.

My DM was officially diagnosed in December with MCI/dementia. Last month it was identified as Vascular Dementia.

I'd been seeing decline over the past 3-5 years. Last year I froze her credit with all 3 credit bureaus. Last month I took her debit card home with me & locked it. I left her with 1 credit card to pay her copays, groceries, and any small items she desires to buy while out on day trips with her facility. I check her credit card balance every other day and set up alerts to be sent regarding any purchases made above $50.

Your hubby's has already shown you that he is incapable of spending responsibly. Id say to take the cards from him & lock them. If you want to, buy him a reloadable gift card that YOU reliad as needed so he can buy his essentials or gifts.