Unsure

wose

I think things are progressing or is it me thinking they are. I didn’t know what to do this morning after a volatile night so I had his son come over and take him. I won’t make it until his Dr appointment on Monday. He is starting down the physical abuse path. It’s only been 3 pokes and grabbing my arm but I’m afraid it might progress. Is my frayed emotional state causing him to get physical now? He is so verbally abusive that last night I reached my breaking point. I asked him to keep him until Saturday. Wayward son lives alone in a house. As he was leaving I was crying and he was yelling he wants a divorce. I know I should have called 911, but the guilt coupled with the fact he has an appt on Monday made me think this was a better option. Am I wrong?

Son thinks his blood pressure medicine is causing all of this. It’s the 4th or 5th time he brought it up. I even keep inviting him to his father’s Dr. appts but he never shows. There just isn’t anyone else I can turn to. What to do?

Metta

My DH's son also thought I was "giving him something" to cause his dementia. DH was taking the same medications he has taken for years (blood pressure / thyroid / blood thinner / statin). The son blew up at me screaming obscenities (in the hospital in front of his father who had just had brain surgery!) when I tried to tell him that there were no new medications causing his father's dementia. I hope your husband's son can see some of what you are experiencing at home.

911 when there is any physical violence, always. Stay safe. I hope his son sees some of the behavior that you are suffering so you get more support. Seroquel/Quetiapine was added after I called 911. It helped!

My husband still occasionally has angry delirium at night, maybe once a month, and I lock myself in my home office for 10-15 minutes to avoid any physical attack. He usually calms himself down and then we go back to bed. It is still scary sometimes.

Scooterr

I've never heard of blood pressure medication causing anything like this, of course I'm no Dr. there maybe someone on the forum who has had issues with it. If things are picking up in the aggression area it's time for plan B, maybe medications will help but will definitely need to be in a hospital setting until they can get your DH under control. It seem the majority of men lean towards the aggressive side than woman. Just by reading a lot of past post on this forum it only gets worse over time if medication doesn't work. The main thing now is YOUR SAFETY! Don't count on his son for to much help, I hate to say it like that, but I'm only speaking out of experience from my on sons.

midge333

@wose: I think at this point, you really need to call 911. Even if he is started on an antipsychotic as an outpatient, they will start low and slowly titrate the dose upwards. In the meantime, you are vulnerable to a physical assault. If he goes to an inpatient psych setting, they will medicate him more aggressively because they are in a controlled setting. They will not send him home until it is clear that you will be safe.

SDianeL

so sorry you are dealing with this. It's very common. You are NOT doing anything to cause it. It's the disease. It's the disease talking, not him. Next time it happens, go into a room, take your phone & purse & keys and call 911. Don't hesitate. Have him transported to the Geri Psyche unit at the hospital & they will get his medications under control. Then you need to have a serious talk with your son. Give him a list of medications that your husband is taking and ask him to look up the side effects himself. I have never heard of any blood pressure medication causing that behavior. Usually lowering the blood pressure causes less agitation, not more. If that doesn't work I would have your DH doctor write a note for the son that states that the medication is not causing the behavior and that it's caused by the disease. Insist he reads the book "The 36 Hour Day" before your talk. He's in denial about his Dad. That's common. Family members & friends don't understand the disease and can't accept it. If the son doesn't like to read, look up videos made by Teepa Snow. And send one to him each day and insist that he watch them so you can discuss after. I would also take a 2 week respite break and have the son care for him for 2 weeks so he can get a good idea of what's happening. 💜

BPS

Just a note about SDianels comment I found 36hour day on audiobook too. I also like Tam Cummings videos.

dayn2nite2

Please make sure you call 911 next time. I don't want to scare you, but there was a member just a couple of years ago whose child helped them to actually divorce her and they evicted her from the home.

Please stop involving the son and start involving 911 and a geripsych unit.

fmb

@wose This isn't your first rodeo. I remember you were having problems with him becoming violent in the past. You know what you have to do, no matter how hard it is to follow through, and whether or not the son is involved. You MUST call 911 if there is any violence at all. Do not relent and allow him to stay. Your life may ultimately depend on it. Get him into a geripsych unit so he can be appropriately medicated. Do not allow him to come home until he is. Tell the hospital there is no safe discharge. Do not minimize the behaviors or second-guess yourself. Follow that message from your gut that tells you that you are in danger.

And know that you are NOT causing this terrible disease. Dementia is an equal-opportunity bitch that indiscriminately destroys marriages and families. At this stage, there are no cures. The best you can do is to keep him safe, and you can't do that if you are not safe.

H1235

Calling 911 is the way to go. Don’t take any chances that he might harm you. As far as his son goes. I know some have given you ideas on how you might get through to him. In my experience there is probably nothing that is going to get him to understand. Some people have their head so far in the sand it’s just impossible for them to see reason. I have accepted that my brother, like my lo with dementia, can not be reasoned with. Trying to get him to understand was exhausting, frustrating, and mentally overwhelming. I feel so much better having given up.

wose

Thanks for replying everyone. I am so sorry for posting this again and probably again. I do know what to do, just having a hard time with the guilt that I know I will feel. I feel guilty sending him to his (not mine) son’s, can’t imagine ems taking him away. I promise I won’t post about this topic again. Hopefully it will sink in with me this time. I’m grateful for all of you.

JJ401

Do not stop posting about this topic. That is not the answer. Keep posting. Vent away.

Your feelings are your feelings. Post away and get them out. You are in a difficult spot and what is happening is very hard.

Right now you are safe and that matters. People here care about you.

H1235

I agree do not stop posting about this. That is what this site is for. I think we all sometimes need to hear things several times before we can really accept. Regardless you need to be able to vent and talk to someone. We are here for you.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250130#Comment_250130

Definitely keep posting. We are all only human and our emotions often override our what we know we should do. We all second guess ourselves at one time or another. I know I do a lot. This is your safe space, so don’t ever apologize for posting. We all worry and want to help each other. Even though most of us have never met, we do get to know and care for the people on this forum.