Unable to change soiled clothing

tboard

** update**

Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement. For some reason DH decided to change his clothing. He could not do it on his own. He let me help. Smelly clothing is now pre-soaking in washer.

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My DH with vascular dementia and Alzhiemer's hadn't showered or bathed for a few years. Eventually he soiled his pants and I was able to get him in the shower. I have gotten used to the idea that he won't shower but he is alright.

It was always hard to get him to change his clothing. It isn't unusual for him to wear the same shirt for a couple of weeks. He would usually change his pants after he wet them or soiled them but now he refuses to. he has worn the same soiled pants for a couple of weeks. He seems to have changed his underwear.

The odor is strong. I can't take him anywhere and try to stay a few feet away from him at all times. He gets very angry if I suggest he change clothes. I get clean clothes out for him but he puts them away or hides them. He has a doctors appointment mid September. If he is still wearing the same clothes I wonder if the doctor can help?

For today I am going to try spraying some fabric deodorizer on him and finding something to cover my favorite chair with so that someday I can sit in it again..

Anyone know how I can get him to change his clothing without asking him to change or suggesting that he change?

BPS

When my wife was still home I found that asking her to do something didn't work so I started telling her "it is time to take a shower or change clothes to get ready for our appointment". She still said no sometimes but she just did it a lot of the time, when I wasn't asking her to decide. When she said no I didn't try to talk her into it I just tried again the next day. Overall she was pretty easy to take care of so I don't think it would work for everyone.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250942#Comment_250942

Thanks. I have done that a few times, telling him it is time to change. It used to work some of the time. The only thing that ever works is to get clean clothes out for him. Sometimes he will change into them, but not very often. I learned long ago that I cannot talk him into anything, and he has never let anyone tell him what to do. I'll keep trying. Maybe one day he will change his clothes or let me help him change his clothes. When I used to ask him to change for an appointment, he would tell me that he had already changed and there wasn't any way to convince him that he had worn the same clothes for a week or more. - - You are very lucky, she is easy to take care of.

Metta

Could you try to buy him something new to "try on" for size? Maybe some type of clothing he really likes? I did that one afternoon when I was trying to get DH ready for a doctor's appointment, and I had bought an inexpensive ($20) but nice pair of shorts on Amazon for him. He normally doesn't change clothes in the afternoon, but it worked to get something clean on him before we left the house.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250958#Comment_250958

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250967#Comment_250967

That is a great idea but the wrong approach for him. He really hates it when I buy him clothing. Once I took him with and he picked out some shirts but he has refused to wear them because he says they are ugly. He has a strange relationship with clothing. He will take everything out of his dresser and examine each garment and leave them in a pile.

SDianeL

I would ask the doctor for medication to calm him and maybe make him more compliant. I got my DH to shower by telling him it was our shower day and getting his shower ready with everything he needed and turning on the water. I got a seat and hand held shower wand. I learned the reasons they won’t shower from the book “The 36 Hour Day” and tried to make him less afraid to shower. While he showered I would remove the dirty clothes and lay out clean ones on the bed face down so he wouldn’t put them on backwards. It’s one of the most difficult behaviors for caregivers especially when you add incontinence. So sorry.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251007#Comment_251007

I read the 36-hour day and have a copy of it. It is by far the best book I have seen for caregivers. I have had his medication adjusted maybe he needs more. That is an idea I will take to his doctor. Yesterday I had an idea I am trying today and that is to lay out clean clothes in a few places, hoping that maybe he will put them on.

He has to pick his clothes, and maybe this way he will believe he has. I also swapped out the shower head for a wand and got a shower bench a few months ago. I get the water just right and turn on a heater. I love the shower wand and wish I had done it sooner. I am so thankful that we have a shower on the main floor that is easy to walk into. I can't imagine how I would get him into a tub. I have to say that if I told him it is shower day, he would call BS. :)

For his entire life he has never liked being told what to do. Sometimes I can kind of manipulate him by suggesting that he decided to change his clothes and that I am just helping but that doesn't always work because he says he doesn't need help. He has worn me down, though. Other than the smell, I am inclined to just leave him be and I am oh so tired of struggling with this.

Maru

We haven't hit that problem, yet but my Alzhiemer's support group was talking about the various bribes they use use to get their LO to do things they don't want to do…mostly special foods. I am pretty sure I could not live with the kind of stink you are talking about. Feeling for you.

H1235

I believe some pwd respond to others better than the primary caregiver. Have you considered hiring someone to come in to help him with showering. He might actually do better with a stranger. But even that might be hit or miss, depending on the person and how they click. I assume you have tried offering wet wipes. I think they make something that is meant for a whole body wash. Maybe it’s best for the doctor to see or rather smell for himself what is going on. If he goes to the appointment cleaned up a smelling good the doctor might not truly understand your situation and be less likely to prescribe the medication he probably needs. I hope you can find a solution.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251036#Comment_251036

Yup. I have wipes and wash. I don't think he has the mental capacity to use either at this point. I plan on bringing clean clothes with on his next doctor's appointment. It would be nice if there was a service modeled after a car wash where we could just run old smelly people through.

l7pla1w2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251026#Comment_251026

Can you suggest to him that the clothes you put out were actually clothes he had picked out, maybe say he told you he wanted to put on fresh clothes?

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251068#Comment_251068

LOL. I have tried that. I have gotten clothes out while he was asleep and told him that he got them out the night before to wear. That used to work some of the time. I have been doing that almost every day now and he puts the clothes away. I have even tried getting a few shirts and pants out and putting them in various locations. It isn't working. There doesn't seem to be any point in fighting it. I think he has had the same pants on for three weeks and the shirt for one week. Same socks have been on for about a month.

M5M

What about three sets of same clothing. Whenever he does take off the first set, replace it in the same place he left it, with clean.

Slightly off topic, I have replaced all DH pants with elastic waist. He has a hard time with buttons and zippers. I also removed a lot of his clothes when he started going through everything in the dresser, over and over. Now the only things in the closet are things he wears, no other superfluous items. He stopped rummaging immediately.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251120#Comment_251120

Not off topic. I need to start removing items from his dresser and closet. It is way too much for him. In general, I am finding that less of most everything is better. Less stuff means fewer decisions. I tried elastic waist pants, and he won't wear them. Oh, how I wish he would. Maybe as his dementia progresses, he will forget that he doesn't wear elastic waistbands.

He doesn't remember how to dress himself. He has forgotten that shoes need to come off before the pants can come off. Sometimes he wears two pairs of underwear and two t-shirts. He keeps throwing his socks away. I don't always find them in the trash.

As for your first suggestion, when he takes his clothes off, I have a fairly easy time replacing them with clean clothes. Getting him to take his clothes off has been a challenge. This morning, he made such a mess in his pants that he took them off. He is now showered and in clean clothes.

M5M

Glad you made some progress! Re the elastic pants,….actually, the zip and button……can you replace the button with Velcro? I have done this on a couple of pairs and that is easier. I found I needed to sew the velcro on (took the button off first) because it doesn't stick well enough when just ironed on.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251134#Comment_251134

I sew and I have a lot of Velcro. That might be worth a try. Never though of it. I could maybe put some elastic in the pants he already has too. Thanks! I think you are a genius!

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73815/unable-to-change-soiled-clothing

that's good news. We take little wins when we get them.