Taking Away The Credit Card

nbl21235

My father was recently diagnosed with Alz. He understands the situation. Always had a very argumentative relationship with my mother and there are some trust issues. Now I received this from my mom: "A few days ago, your father was listening to a medical sales pitch on the internet, he was convinced that it was a product that would help his Alzeimers. I told him to research whatever it was, but not buy anything, and if he thought it was legitimate he should ask his dr. Well, he bought a six months supply of it, had it delivered, will not tell me what it is. I can’t deal with this anymore, so you and your brother figure out how to handle this."

Lots of issues here but seems to me a primary one is how to avoid stupid purchases. How/when do you take away the credit card? Has anyone come across anything that creates an "approver" to a purchase? How to have this discussion with my father?

SDianeL

Welcome. Sorry about your Dad. Get the credit card company to put a low limit on the card and any other cards he may have including ATM. If you are on the account or have DPOA you don’t need to talk to him. Just do it. As I learned on this forum, you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Learn to use fiblets. If that doesn’t work, remove the card from his wallet and disappear it. Tell him it must be lost and you will call and get another but don’t call them. He is also vulnerable to scams so get a spam blocker on his phone. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiving videos. Learn all you can so you can help him. Have your Mom read the book I listed above. It will help her too. Hugs. 💜

H1235

Welcome. This is definitely something that needs to be addressed. Dementia is expensive. There are people here you have lost lots of money that could have been used for their care. How do you have this discussion with him? Sorry, but you don’t! You just do what needs to be done. There is probably nothing you are going to say to him that is going to convince him he doesn’t know how to spend his own money. He will tun it into an argument and the number one rule is NEVER argue with a person with dementia. You could try giving him a store bought Visa card with $50 on it. But you have to consider how fast will he spend it and can they afford $50 spent on nonsense. Do what you can to get the card away from him without causing a fuss with fibs or whatever works, but be prepared for some anger. Sometimes it seems there is just no way around it. Just like with a child you can’t give them everything they want and you need to keep them safe. It is hard. As far as the pills themselves I would find them and get rid of them. Maybe they can be returned. Another issue may be him taking out a loan. I have attached a site that will help to lock down his credit. You might want to make sure this won’t cause problems for your mom if she needs a loan. You said he has dementia and he understands the situation. Be careful! He may understand he has dementia, but he probably does not understand or even recognize some of his symptoms. This is called anosognosia and it is very common with dementia. It makes things extremely difficult.

https://www.creditkarma.com/credit/i/how-to-freeze-credit