What made you decide to place your LO in a SNF?

AlzWife2023

Hi, We don’t have money for MC or help at home. In fact, I stopped working early, depleted my savings and retirement, and my oldest son has been living with us and paying the bills for two years. Those might be enough reasons to place my partner in SNF—so I can work and my son can move on with his life.

What brought me to this idea today is that my partner (DH but we’re not married) is driving us all crazy. He’s not even difficult by Alz standards (pretty calm). He’s continent. Hasn’t wandered past the driveway much. We always catch him. ETCETERA. He just never stops with the questions and repeating; and with me—the touching, grabbing, rubbing my hand, my cheek, etc etc I CANNOT STAND IT. He’s literally hanging on to me physically constantly.

I went out for exactly four hours today by myself and had a BLAST. Came home to find my son looking like he got run over by a truck—-exhausted, unhappy, fed up. In June, daughter & I went away for a week & left the two adult sons in charge. They were both DEMOLISHED. We drove straight from the airport three hours after the long flight (rather than taking a night in the city as planned). We arrived & Oldest son said “we’re not capable.”Youngest said: “who’s driving me home in the morning? I’m never doing this again.”

It’s become very clear to me that we are all at the point of maximum sacrifice edging into martyrdom. I know people do this for ten plus years…it’s been almost three for me. He’s stage 6. Eats. Is continent. Has been hanging on to me and furniture surfing due to physically weakness & instability. Prefers assist getting up from chair but can do it himself. Toilets ok. Cannot shower himself. Has no idea what’s going on. Will wear same clothes everyday. Will stay up very late. MM Score is about 17.

I know my oldest son has had enough. He’s very good, tho. He wouldn’t abandon me/us. I used to think If it was just me, I’d push through but it affects us all, all the time & I am also ready to live my life. I’ve been caring for others first since I was 14.
All feedback welcome! Will an SNF accept him?

sandwichone123

The most important step is to talk to a knowledgeable attorney in your area. The rules vary from state to state. Generally, SNF is for people with significant physical care needs, rather than dementia, which typically requires care that is categorized as "personal care" and not covered by Medicaid—things like feeding, dressing, and toileting. In many states families that can't afford MC apply for Medicaid, which covers their care, but requires that the person's assets be fully depleted (including the house in most cases).

SDianeL

What Sandwichone123 said. And It’s not whether the SNF will accept him, it’s that Medicare won’t pay for it. Note that Medicare will only pay for skilled nursing facility (SNF) care for up to 100 days for dementia patients if it's medically necessary following a qualifying hospital stay and focuses on skilled care, not long-term custodial care. It does not cover long-term custodial care, such as help with daily activities, which most dementia patients need. Medicare may cover other services for people with dementia, including some home health care, hospice care for those with a six-month life expectancy, and medications. So definitely speak with an elder care attorney about Medicaid. Each state administers Medicaid and the rules vary by state.

weareallunique

You need expert legal advise on what is available for him, being a non-spouse. Explore everything - can you legally still get life insurance on him to try to recoup what you've lost, how to "evict" him from your home so he can be placed, how to get him Medicaid coverage if that works in your state and how to medically qualify etc.

Ask what it would mean if you became his conservatorship versus turning him over to APS ,who would assign him one after a court hearing . Do you want to keep caregiving from a distance - it is still a time issue - medical visits, prescriptions, clothes etc etc .

cdgbdr

I feel for you. I am planning to place DH and didn't think I would. I asked myself everyday, and still do, what is too much. When is it time? Unlike you, I am still working, and if I didn't, I couldn't have done this. I wish ypu the best and agree with the advice others have given to seek legal counsel.

H1235

Is he on Medicaid? The requirements for Medicaid can be tricky and are even more complicated with a spouse that’s not a spouse. I would recommend you see a lawyer. I don’t know why the snf wouldn’t take him. But they will obviously need to be paid and usually that’s done through Medicaid. It sounds like it is well past time for the move to snf. Your family has been through a lot. I will attach a information on Medicaid requirements by state. Maybe this can give you a rough idea. A lawyer can be expensive so it might be good to go in with a basic understanding and some questions.

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/state-specific-medicaid-eligibility/