Start of incontinence

annie51

I knew the day would come. DH is now urinary incontinent for about a week now. I’ve been lucky it held off for as long as it did. He’s always been very resistant to my helping him in the bathroom with cleaning himself, etc, and it’s worse now. I don’t know how I’m going to get him to wear pull-ups when it’s hard to even get him to put underwear on. I tried once handing him the gray pull-ups which he just threw aside. Today he took off his wet underwear and pants and walked around the house naked for quite some time. He wouldn’t take the washcloth to clean up. I’ve tried to find videos but haven’t found ones for this problem. This is the beginning of a new nightmare - one in which I’ll be doing a lot of laundry, washing off urine from furniture and stressing out about how best to handle this without making him mad at me all the time.

One of the reasons I’m thinking about memory care is that I’m failing at many aspects of his personal care. I’ve tried many of your ideas about showering to no avail. Now this. I hate this disease!

l7pla1w2

Personal hygiene issues are a common trigger for placing a LO in MC. The professionals in a MCF are well-versed in handling personal hygiene.

You are not failing. You're doing the best you know how, and it's challenging.

Carl46

I agree. I would place him if I were his caretaker.

Gator1976

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73903/start-of-incontinence

Sad to say but, His time is soon, and so is yours. It maybe time to let someone else do the physical caring and you do the mental.

CindyBum

I’m so sorry, Annie. You are not failing!! Your DH and my DW seem to be in the same urinary incontinence schedule. Just over a week of consistent nightly issues. I’ve washed the sheets everyday day for a week now.

Placement seems to always be on my mind these days. It’s ok to accept when it’s time for the professionals.

annie51

The sad thing is…I could handle it if he’d let me!

CindyBum

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251846#Comment_251846

It is so heartbreaking.

l7pla1w2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251846#Comment_251846

You may be able to handle the incontinence now, but that is not the endpoint. Sooner or later his condition will change and confront you with new challenges. Dealing with them will grind you down, particularly if DH interferes or resists. You might not be able to handle tomorrow what you can handle today.

I know placing your LO in MC is difficult. I placed my DW in April. It's hard to admit you've reached the limit of how much you can care for your LO. It feels like failure. It feels like giving up. But placing DW was the right choice, because she gets 24x7 care from professionals, and I don't have to worry about her safety. And my stress level went way down.

cdgbdr

You are not failing. My DH has been incontinent for a year. Personal care is difficult. I'm a nurse, so can manage this if he let's me and can understand what is needed. I am now planning MC for next week. I am disappointed and feel kind of selfish but trying to work through this.

ladyzetta

This is something that worked for me for awhile. I got both of us some nice looking depends, I ask him if he would start warning them, because it was something I also needed to do. He believed me and wore them for awhile. I finally had to place him, he needed more care then I was able to give. Good luck, hugs Zetta

KathyF1

My husband (as many are) is also very resistant to being changed. The doctor added Ativan - as needed. It takes 15 min to work, and it really does help. He becomes much more complacent and lets me help him. I’ve been told that is what they would do if he were in MC. They give the drugs necessary to get the job done. Maybe talk to his doc about adding this med!