Need some advice

H1235

Mom was diagnosed two and a half years ago. I am her DPOA. She lived in Al for about a year but her money ran out. She is in a nice nursing home and on Medicaid. Her house should have been sold, but I could only do so much. My brother fought me every step of the way. The house is full. After mom left the house I worked so hard to clean it out. I replaced broken windows, fixed the toilet, had the water heater replaced(took me weeks to make a path to get to it), had the cat spray smelly carpet ripped out and painted sealant on everything and painted walls, had new carpet put in and got all the food out of the house. I had two estate sales that hardly put a dent it things. I did this while also dealing with a very difficult brother that not only didn’t help, but actively worked against me in many instances. I also managed all mom’s finances, prescriptions, dental appointments…. I now have anxiety and high blood pressure. Mom has a ladybird deed on the house so when she passes it will go to my brother and I (and my husband). The last few years have been hell. Now that mom is on Medicaid and there is no reason to sell the house my husband has suggested I stop working on the house til she has passed. My husband has not felt comfortable being involved in any of this chaos (feels it’s not his place). I think my husband will be a lot more involved at that point. My brother and I are executors to the estate. I thinks that is going to be a nightmare. The thoughts of forgetting about it (as much as I can) for a wile is tempting. Mom and her house have consumed my life for so long now. But I’m not a procrastinator and it seems like I’m just kicking the can down the road. I’m also worried how much worse things will be with my brother as co-executor to the estate. I just want this nightmare to be over. Maybe some time will help me approach the house from a different perspective. There are so many antique and family heirlooms mixed in with junk I haven’t been able to trust hiring it to be done. That would also have been a fight with my brother. Do I keep plunging away at the house or let it be and try to get back to some normalcy in my life for a while?

JulietteBee

I am an only child, with a mom suffering from dementia. I was in a similar situation.

As I am facing my own life threatening disease, I did not have the option to "kick the can down the road."

Truthfully, if I did, I would still have done what I did, when I did it. I moved mom out her house & into IL apartment. I emptied out the house by way of sales or donations. I renovated the house due to a massive waterline break. I had the house professionally cleaned, so I could list it to be rented.

I did not want to address those issues at a later time. My type A & OCD personality made me get them out of the way.

I worried my husband and adult-child but at least now things are in maintenance mode as I hired a property manager.

I'd say, finish the job and be done with it.🙏🏽

SDianeL

I think I would keep working on the house but not 100% of the time. Take a break periodically and enjoy your husband. It’s about balance.