I feel likeI have been mourning for the last two years

PEMDAS

My sweet husband had to go to a nursing home two weeks ago. I didn't realize how much I cared for him physically. I feel lonely and lost. I just got a cancer diagnosis, and I have to travel for treatment, and I will be gone for weeks at a time.

I don't know how to process this feeling of loss I am experiencing, as he was my rock. As he has late-stage dementia, He doesn't understand why I am not there; it is heartbreaking.

JeriLynn66

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. @SDianeL also experienced a similar situation, having to place her husband upon learning of her cancer diagnosis and need for treatment. Hopefully she will be along to comment and lend support. Hugs to you as you navigate this difficult time.

harshedbuzz

@PEMDAS

I am so sorry for the uniquely awful situation in which you find yourself.

If there's one consolation to later stages of dementia, it's that the PWD's orientation to time becomes fluid. It's very likely he won't recognize the length of your absences as much as you will.

HB

SDianeL

so sorry about your husband and your cancer diagnosis. I’ve been where you are. I had no choice but to place my husband in memory care after my cancer diagnosis in late 2023. It was heartbreaking. I understand exactly how you feel. The grief for what we lost and grief for what would have been. The facility my husband was in had a social worker, support group and Chaplin and offered their counseling. I moved in with my daughter so I didn’t use them but I recommend it if you need someone to talk to. My Oncologist also offered to refer me to a counselor. Thankfully, my husband didn’t remember how long it had been between my visits and was always glad to see me. The nurses would call me and hand the phone to him so we could talk daily. Also thankfully he never knew I had cancer. He passed away last August. I miss him so much but am thankful he’s no longer suffering. If you would like to communicate with me directly, feel free to send me a private message. Sending prayers and hugs for your strength during the days ahead. Praying that your cancer treatment is successful. My last scan was clear. 🙏💜🙏💜🙏

PEMDAS

It is so kind of all of you to respond. It is comforting to know that I am not alone. My husband is bilaterally profoundly deaf and can no longer communicate except through our made-up sign language. I can send a note by mail every day to let him know I am still out there.

Thank you for letting me know that maybe he doesn't realize how long it has been since my last visit. My prognosis is good. I will have a part of my lung removed, and there are probably treatments moving forward. I am hopeful, yet realistic.

Thank you again.