Mother rejected from two memory care facilities

mrzjhoward

My mother was rejected from two memory care facilities.Because she did not want to stay there and wanted to go home. We're running out of options and we're not able to get her the care she needs. She is staying in a mental health facility, and they're wanting to discharge her. We are unable to care for her. We don't know what to do. Mother lives in Texas.

swilde

Hi, I am kinda of in the same boat. Mom has vascular dementia, 92 with many health issues. She is in CA and I am in TX. She has been in an independent living situation with lots of home care. She has now run out of money and can no longer stay where she is and it has been a circle and hours of calls to find the right organization for support. She is refusing to move and gets agitated. I really have no idea what to do.

JonforDan

My brother in Chicago (I live near Seattle) wants to move from the facility he's in while he still has some money which makes him attractive to another facility before he has to go on Medicaid. He's "losing things" from his room though he keeps it locked. The latest is 16 shirts which disappeared while he was at the meal. His paranoia has gone straight up. It is hard for me to sort out what is real and what is imagined from this distance. Our only recourse short of moving is medications to calm him down. Anti-psychotics are really hard on the elderly I read, so I'm on the fence with what to do. I feel like I'm holding a puppy under water to kill it when I consider my options for him. Particularly if I don't help him find another facility. I've done some delaying tactics but are there other options?

Victoriaredux

If you don't hold a durable power of attorney for your parent /sibling and they refuse /can't be encouraged to move into memory care then you'd be looking at having to get a conservator ship to place them. An experienced private case manager may be able to help deal with the transition since you are at a distance but you'll need documents to manage their care and finances in the future so seeing an elder law attorney is a good idea.

They may have Anosognosia so may think they are fine and will always think they are fine. Then you need to do a workaround because getting their approval of the move won't happen or will be quickly forgotten .

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/295/anosognosia

There are mental care specialists for the elderly- geri psych. May take a few tries or a short term stay [week or two] to come up with a good med mix but that can be invaluable and open up more housing options since the PWD will be easier and calmer to care for. Being calm isn't just for the staff's benefit - it is a kindness for the patient to be relaxed and live at a lower stress level.

Finally, providing oversight is easier the closer you are. At some point the PWD's life will be physically constricted so if possible be open to moving them closer to where you live.