What a great story

blacksparky · September 5

I read this posting on another site and thought I would share it. It was written by Tony Copeland-Parker.
The Long Goodbye

The protracted period from diagnosis to death from Alzheimer’s disease.

My wife of 26 years was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s 11 years ago at the age of 53.
Our initial response to the diagnosis was to sell everything, become nomads, and run marathons and other races of various distances all over the world. I have written two books on our experiences, done numerous podcasts, and have had many articles written about our counterintuitive approach to life with this disease.

We are now in a lovely villa within the Marriott resort complex in St. Kitts. We have gone from the long laundry list of the typical and not-so-typical undesirable traits as we go through the 7 stages of the disease progression. We have also experienced a longer list of things she can no longer do for herself.

What I have found to be unexpected is how life is now for us in this final stage. We spend most days just enjoying each other's company even though she can no longer do the things that brought us together.
We now spend time on the couch cushions neatly arranged on the condo floor arm and arm. Watching TV or listening to music or better still looking at pictures of our past times together on the TV slide show from Amazon Pictures. I tell her stories of all the things we have done or seen together. Sometimes she smiles or laughs if I laugh at myself but mostly she just listens expressionless.

Other times we tour the beautiful property here while I push her in the adult-size stroller I call the CatMobile, Cat is my pet name for her.
The Atlantic Ocean is steps away with the Caribbean Sea 1 mile down the road. Our view from our balcony is one of three pools here and so some afternoons are spent just helping her walk and sometimes float in the pool.

Other individuals afflicted with terminal diseases, whether it’s cancer that has metastasized beyond the reach of treatment, or heart disease that has fatally weakened cardiac muscle, retain the basic elements of their personalities until they draw their final breaths. But with Alzheimer’s disease, as it slowly progresses, the components of an individual’s personality are worn away along with their cognitive skills and memory. Usually, near the end, they no longer even speak. Cat has not spoken in over two years. Their body declines, but the pace of their cognitive decline is speedier.

Usually, by the time someone with Alzheimer’s disease dies, the traits, tendencies, and abilities the person possessed have long since departed.
Friends and family of the individual with Alzheimer’s disease become strangers, and, in a sense, the individual with Alzheimer’s disease becomes a stranger to family and friends.

That fact often changes the grieving process for those left behind. When death does come, it often seems like the person they knew and loved has, for all intents and purposes, been gone for a while.

We have been here for three months with the plan to remain here for another 4 months then back to Atlanta where we have it called our hub for the last 11 years.
Where to go after that is undetermined but the planning process has begun with a possible very leisurely road trip by car to the west coast.

The stage we are now experiencing can be unpredictable but neither of us is in any rush for the final goodbye. What I am experiencing now is very enjoyable and she seems very content. I tell her often how much I love her and I know she loves me just as much just by looking into her eyes. Those are the same eyes that I first fell in love with those many years ago.

So much about her has changed, but nothing will change the fact that we spent so many great years together doing and seeing things many others can only dream about and now, in this quiet chapter, we remain side by side—not in farewell, but in The Silent Embrace. — feeling blessed at St .Kitts, West Indies.