Favored daughter of three

cherylleduc

I’m the middle daughter of three sisters, and I’m struggling with the challenges of caring for our aging mother. I’m a licensed mental health therapist, and I can see signs that my mom may already be in the mid-to-late stages of dementia, but my sisters won’t acknowledge it or pursue a diagnosis. The youngest, who is the favored child and now has POA, is controlling access to our mom, influencing her financially, and has her believing things that aren’t true about me and our older sister. My mother already changed a part of her will taking my older sister and I off of a million dollar IRA leaving my youngest, most favored sister on.

I’m deeply concerned about neglect and financial abuse, and I know I may have to involve protective services because of my role as a mandated reporter. At the same time, I’m grieving the loss of connection with my mother and the breakdown in sibling relationships. Has anyone else faced this kind of sibling conflict when caring for a parent, and how did you cope or find a way forward?

H1235

Welcome. So sorry you are in this situation. Dealing with a difficult sibling is so difficult. The manipulation of your mom against you is devastating (I’ve experienced it). Our lo with dementia are so vulnerable and susceptible to manipulation, especially from their own child. You want to protect your mom, but anything you do to protect her will be twisted and turned around to pit your mom against you. I imagine your sister will drag your mom into any fight you mount to try and protect your mom from her(that is what my brother has always done). It doesn’t help that your sibling is doing exactly what your mom wants, ignoring symptoms and deficits. My brother always sided with mom. He never wanted to take away her independence and freedoms, even if was to keep her safe. I always feel like there are just no good choices when dealing with my brother. It is a shame our loved ones have to suffer because of these greedy, head in the sand siblings. Thankfully I am my moms dpoa, but that has not stopped him from causing all kinds of chaos. I wouldn’t hold your breath on adult protective services helping. It’s my understanding it is extremely hard to get them to act. I think you should consider seeing a lawyer. Maybe they would recommend you try for guardianship. I would write down and document everything you can regarding what has happened and the symptoms you have noticed. I’m not sure how it may be used, but like I said I think a lawyer could help. I have attached a common staging tool for dementia. I’m not sure how this might help either, maybe give you a better idea of symptoms. Good luck!

DBAT.pdf

SDianeL

so sorry about your Mom and the relationship with your siblings. Unfortunately it’s very common. Many are in denial about the situation or they have no idea what the future holds for someone with this heartbreaking disease. Ditto what H1235 said about seeing an attorney. Please keep us posted. 💜