when to stop work

pmiles1124

Hello family, My DH is not remembering who I am. Has our wedding picutures from one room to another. Im thinking this might be soon til , the is last time he remembers us. He sleeps alot and is awake til ??? During day I work 4 days 730-5. Should I quit working? I dont know

JulietteBee

I suggest you stop working when your outside work schedule disproportionately impacts your at home needs. Only you will be able to say, "when!"

Timmyd

I would suggest you consider FMLA before you decide to stop working. It allows you to work part time or to take of a couple of months from work while protecting your job status. That experience might give you a better idea of when or if to stop working.

Additionally, your employer may have other options available for people in your circumstances so it is worth checking with them so that you can make an informed decision on how to proceed.

BPS

To quit working is a hard decision I gave up work I enjoyed when I was 67 years old to care for my wife. Less than a year later she had a stroke and needed more care than I could provide so she moved to MC. Most of our friends and family had faded away by that time. It was a hard transition from working to being home alone most of the time. You need to look at your current and future finances depending on your age. I probably could have hired someone to come in and care for her during the day, but I worked a pretty physically demanding job so I knew I would need to quit within a couple of years anyway. There is really no easy answer. You lose so much either way.

JJ401

You have two questions here. One is the safety of DH. Whether you should stop working is another.

From your description of DH, he most likely should not be alone while you are working. Is there a day program he can attend? Can you hire someone to be there with him while you work?

Stopping work. Your answer depends on your your age and finances. Health care for both of you needs consideration. What supports are available in your area?

You may want to sit down with a financial planner and go over income and assets. And an elder care lawyer to discuss Medicaid in your state and how to conserve assets.

It's a hard decision to make.

blues

Everyone has some good thoughts here. I'd just like to add that going to work can be a great distraction and respite from the caregiving, as long as you can be sure your loved one is cared for appropriately in your absence. So there's that too..

Lgb35

so many factors here. I am only 55 so if you are my age you have to think about your long term lifetime. Do you catty health insurance through your job? Do you make enough money to hire someone or maybe a friend/family member could sit with him? Also is your job something you can do remotely? Maybe you could work from home and have someone come in to help out.

I feel like you need to take a look at your finances to determine what you could afford to pay for help if you continue to work. What and how much would you lose if you quit. How many years do you anticipate living?

good luck to you this is a tough one

sandwichone123

When I looked at these options I realized I loved my job and it brings me immense satisfaction. I did not want to be a full-time caregiver, and I didn't want to be trying to re-enter the job market in my early 60s with no current experience and no contacts. I made the decision to place my dh in memory care when he could no longer remain alone.

SDianeL

even if you quit work you may still need to hire outside help as the disease progresses. Very few people can care for their LO alone in final stages, especially if they have sleep issues. As I see it, Your options: 1) continue to work to pay for outside help; 2) Quit work and hire part time help; 3) place your LO in memory care and continue to work. I would do the old Pros and Cons for each.

pmiles1124

Thank you all for your responses. I have to really sit down and find a financial planner.

Bill_2001

Hi pmiles1124,

This is a very big decision. Adult day care for my dear wife allows me to continue working, along with a hybrid remote work situation. Before you make a permanent decision of this magnitude, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your dilemma (if appropriate).

Much depends upon your own age and how close you are to your planned retirement. There will probably come a time when you cannot leave your dear husband alone safely, and you will have to have a plan in place. In my case, my wife is here with me when I work from home, and I take her to an adult day care on the days that I go into the office.

Leaving work has some serious considerations: Insurance, income, and the ability to re-enter the workforce if you find you made a mistake. See if you can come up with a solution that allows you to keep working until you are ready to leave the workforce. In my case, it would be very difficult to replace the job I have now, especially since my company is giving me latitude to care for my wife as needed. You may find that your job will too, if you speak to them.

Many people in the workforce are facing challenges, and I have discovered that I am not alone (far from it) in this ordeal.

All the best,

Bill_2001

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/253368#Comment_253368

I would meet with an Elder care Attorney first and then a financial planner.

Quilting brings calm

You’ve gotten good advice related to the safety of your spouse. I have a question for you - what’s the reason for you asking the question? To me it sounds as if you thought quitting work would delay his permanently not recognizing you. As if your absence affected his memory. It doesn’t.
Your 24/7 presence isn’t going to slow down his disease. It might make him less anxious once he starts shadowing you. Shadow us him wanting to constantly be exactly where you are.

You quitting work might reduce your stress - or the increase in caregiving might increase your stress. I would not advise you to quit work unless it’s the only way for you to have someone with him during what was your working hours, or if working is affecting your health.