How to Respond to Family/ Friends who mean well but their comments are a bit much at Times

HotShots50

A family friend says tell your mother Hello, even though she may not remember me. Or I heard she is really bad off.

SusanB-dil

Hi HotShots - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

uughh - yes, sometimes I get the same. If it is someone who doesn't know the situation, and is not close with the family, I just say 'I'll tell her you said hello'.

If it is someone who kind'a knows, but is not very close, and says 'heard she is bad', I usually give a vague answer such as 'we are dealing with a lot right now'. Then I try to turn the conversation and ask how they've been. If they continue, I'm honest and I just add 'it's a lot and it is hard to see a LO declining'.

There is one lady who knew mil years ago, and knows, but never keeps up. When I see this one, it is usually at the grocery store, and I just tell her 'we are all hanging in there', and then keep moving.

ARIL

I get this a lot about my dad, and my responses are like SusanB’s. For the distant (or just curious) ones, I say, “I’ll tell him you said hello.” For the “bad off” remarks, I say things like “we’re doing the best we can.” If they press, I offer detail that isn’t too specific: “He was in the hospital in July, but he is more stable now.”

If that feels too cagey for the person I’m talking to, I might say, “He’s declining, but that’s how this goes.”

Sometimes I tell people what my dad says himself: “Well, he says that he’s doing pretty well for an old man.”

And yes, the remarks from the well-meaning do get a bit much at times. I find it hard to manage my dad’s decline and my own feelings about it AND to be presented with other people’s emotions and curiosities to resolve as well.

Argh