Losing patience

JDWC3

My brother who has power of attorney just brought documents for my mother to sign to receive some payouts from life insurance and the military. Since yesterday afternoon she believes that she got a deposit and has been pestering me about paperwork.

I suffer chronic illness. I provided care for my stepdad as he died of dementia in July and we had to move because we couldn’t keep the house. I am at my wits end.

she says I yell at her all the time. She also says I never buy her candy even though in reality I just don’t buy it when we already have it and I got some cacao powder and erythritol because the refined sugar probably has a lot to do with the dementia in the first place and will make it worse.

for all the people who want to tell me she can eat what she wants, you come live with her and deal with the additional agitation that the sugar causes once the high wears off. I don’t want her eating chocolate late because it will make her agitation worse.

I think I’m doing a terrible job providing care. I wished we could take her somewhere better and I had somewhere to go where there is no mold or artificial fragrances and I could finally get some rest and maybe have some chance to heal and have a life of my own.

SDianeL

so sorry you are going through this with your Mom. One thing that helped me was reading the book “The 36 Hour Day” that was recommended by a nurse. Also search online for dementia caregiving videos. Tam Cummings & Teepa Snow have good ones. Your Mom’s behavior is common in people with dementia. Delusions and hallucinations are common. I would ask her doctor for medication which will help. Get into her reality and try to create fiblets about her finances. Get your brother in on the fibs. As I learned here: Rule number one don’t argue with someone with dementia and Rule number two is that you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Don’t even try. Craving sweets is another common behavior. She can’t remember she had candy. Can you offer ice cream instead? I doubt she’s coming off a sugar or chocolate high. I believe she is sundowning. Which is common in dementia patients. The only thing that may help is medication. I would also be concerned about your Mom signing any papers. If your brother has POA he should be able to sign for her. Will the money be deposited into her account? When? Can you tell her the bank said it was in the works? You will probably have to answer the same question many times a day. Once you answer, try redirecting her or offer a treat to distract her.

JDWC3

fortunately, it blew over and she hasn’t said anything for a number of days now. I have been watching those videos. I try to acknowledge her feelings and let her know she has been heard, then redirect her to some activity that will allow her to make a contribution and to know she is a valued member of this household. Fortunately, my brother does not live with us and, thankfully, we are moving from antagonism to teamwork. It is a delicate situation and I must tread lightly, but with help it is possible.

I do not have POA and my brother will not allow me to interact with her doctors. The pharmaceuticals they push are a waste of time. They gave my grandfather, who was my mother’s father, Ativan which just made him fall more often. I prefer Teepa et al and the way they suggest dealing with it. There are some supplements that take the edge off and shift her into a more cooperative mode, like CBD and CBG without doping her up or making her clumsy or even more confused like the benzos that well meaning allopaths prescribe.

As for Aroceot and the others that have been recently approved, they will only prolong our misery. If my mother did not get so offended years ago when I saw the first signs and if my brother was more open minded, we would have had a much better chance with the programs that doctors like Heather Sandison, Dean Ornish, and Dale Bredesen have developed.

I had an extremely generous friend pay for me to take a five day online workshop through a group called Simple Smart Science which involved changing the way I eat—not just the foods I eat—for better blood sugar balance, special exercises, and relaxation techniques. It’s worth bearing in mind that people in the so called Blue Zones who routinely live into their nineties and hundreds living very active lives with only slight cognitive decline generally don’t go to hospitals, take pharmaceuticals, and they don’t take vaccines, yet their health is orders of magnitude greater than ours.

They do eat right, get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, and exercise, they have a sense of purpose, and healthy relationships that feature mutual emotional availability and support. They don’t sit in front of screens all day scrolling and binging like we do either.