Should I or not

blacksparky

My DW is in stage 5/6 of her journey. Her mother has been put into a hospice house for end of life comfort care. She is close to her mother and still recognizes her mother but probably has no idea what is happening to her. I’m torn between taking her to see her mother or not. If I do take her, how will this affect her later after her mother dies? Any thoughts from past experiences?

Timmyd

I don't have any specific advice, but I ask that you keep us informed about how this progresses. DW has always been very close to both her parents. Both of DW parents are still alive but each deep into their 80's with a collection of health issues. I often wonder how I will deal with the circumstances you face.

blacksparky

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254676#Comment_254676

Her dad passed about a year and a half ago. My DW was probably stage 4 then. We visited him in nursing facility about a week before he passed. After he died my DW kept asking me where her dad was ( we live in another state than he did) and I told her he was in a better place with no more pain. Not sure if she understood that back then or not. For about 6 months, she would cry and ask for her dad. Now she really doesn’t ask about him anymore. Her mom lives about 3 miles away and we have brought her to our house once a week for a lunch and visit for the past year. I’m thinking this death will be hard on her but still not sure. One day at a time!!!

SDianeL

I think seeing her Mom in hospice would be very difficult for her. She won’t remember and will ask about her often. What will you say then? Can her Mom communicate? Could you tell your DW that she is in rehab? I think the compassionate thing to do is not tell her. So sad. Hugs. 💜

Maru

If she still recognizes her mother and is close to her, a visit would bring comfort to her mother, at least, and probably to your DW, as well. It is not necessary for your DW to understand what is happening to her mother nor is there any benefit to your DW to tell her when her mother passes. At that point, you can just tell your DW that her mother has gone on a trip . You don't want her to exprerience grief repeatedly.

Michele P

I would not take your wife to see her mother. How about having her talk to her mother on the phone and tell her mother she loves her? We have been through this. It will be confusing and extremely upsetting for your wife. In the end, she won’t remember even being there.