Need Reassurance

amynolla

Mom had to go to the hospital on Monday because of pain in her hip and couldn’t get out of bed. She did not have a break but has a high grade tear in her hamstring and complete tear in one of her butt muscles. She has mid level Alzheimer’s and that is making things 100 times worse. Every time the nurses move her leg she screams and is convinced they are hurting her on purpose. She is being moved to rehab tomorrow. I have been visiting her twice a day and today is the first day I decided to just go once. I feel consumed with guilt. For those who have been in this situation how often did you visit? How do you deal with the guilt?

JulietteBee

Sadly, I know that guilt. However, as an person dealing with my own life-threatening disorder, I try to dismiss the guilt as soon as it comes along. Remembering the statistics pertaining to caregivers' death rate, I remind myself that I will be of no good to my DM when I am dead.

You need to remind yourself of that. Also, the fact that if you don't willingly heed the subtle cues your body gives you when it is faltering, you will unwillingly be laid out. It will often be for a longer period of time than if you had taken the time to rest, mentally & physically, at the onset of fatigue.

SDianeL

Sadly, your Mom doesn’t remember that you visited. Let the caregivers care for her. They will call if anything changes. Do something for yourself. Once a day is plenty so that you can make sure she is well cared for and visit at mealtime. Hugs. 💜

harshedbuzz

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

It's really hard, because when a PWD is hospitalized, it does provide some much-needed respite from caregiving.

But on the other hand, hospitalization can be disorienting and lead to delirium especially with the elderly. Many families try to arrange for someone to be with their LO all or most of the time when possible, to mitigate this confusion.

Last fall and winter, my mom who doesn't have a dementia diagnosis, was hospitalized half a dozen times. I'm an only, so most of the time I was her only visitor and there were times when she needed me there to avoid the agitation creeping in, but I just can't be there wall-to-wall 24/7. And I felt badly because sometimes a well-meaning RN would comment on how much better she does when I'm there.

I hope the transfer to rehab goes smoothly. Ugh on having a weekend transfer. I'd be there for that and make sure any meds she needs were accurately transferred today and then again with the crew tomorrow. Also, if she's not able to be cooperative with her PT program, you may have her home sooner than expected, so you'll want to be ready for that.

HB

troubledone

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254706#Comment_254706

Good advice JB

troubledone

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254732#Comment_254732

That is a very good point. Their sense of time is very different from ours. I've been worrying about leaving my mom for 12 hours while I'm at work, and maybe having some one check in on her, but the truth is, she probably doesn't realize I'm gone for 12 hours… Interesting perspective.

amynolla

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254748#Comment_254748

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254745#Comment_254745

Mom was transferred and it went fairly smoothly. It is so much more quiet and calm there and she was MUCH less anxious and scared. Tomorrow she has her PT assessment so we’ll go from there but overall I’m pleased at how it went!

troubledone

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254799#Comment_254799

She was transferred to where?

Either way, I'm glad it is going well so far!