Break in the Fog

ESkayP · September 29

I wanted to share my recent experience. I visited my mother yesterday, and I wasn't expecting much because she has been showing late stage six behaviors for several weeks now. The last lucid moments I had with Mom were during Mother's Day and early June. The decline was at first rapid when she qualified for hospice care in July. Since then she has been slowly but steadily slipping away. Usually when I visit, she will chatter a lot, friendly but distracted and no recognition of me at all. I follow her when she wanders off and see if we can connect over something as we walk around. Yesterday was different. We sat on her couch side-by-side. She spoke mostly word salad but was definitely trying to tell me something. She said my sister's name clearly as a reference to my relationship with her. She seemed to be aware that my sister and I were handling things. I think I read into the "conversation" quite a bit, but it seemed like a connection. She actually laughed and hummed a little bit. We looked out the window together. It all sounds small, but it meant so much to me. I know that I can't count on it happening again. I just feel grateful to have gotten a moment with her. It reminded me of the relationship we used to have. It reminded me that some pieces of my mom still exist in there somewhere. It reminded me that I'm still her daughter, and I love her.