Grief about the loss of relationship with mom

Gibson755

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I was wondering if anyone had been through something like this.

My mother has Alzheimer's. I had a friendship with her over the years and now that's obviously changed and shrunk due to the disease. I understand that the disease has affected her brain and stolen her ability to manage relationships. I know it's not her fault. I'm just in a grief and sadness phase about this.

My dad has always been somewhat mean and distant, lots of teasing/mocking. He never really cared to get to know me. He also loves alcohol and substances. We don't really have a real relationship. I can do surface stuff and politeness but he only talks about himself, his complaints and so on. He goes on long speeches and rants. He watches Tv and mocks every person he sees. He does little mean teasing jabs and then tells me that I just don't get his sense of humor. He doesn't ask questions or remember what's going on in my life or even leave space for me to talk at all in a conversation. Basically he's hard to be around.

So my dad is now the main "voice" of my parents. I am finding this really sad and hard. I miss my mom. When I call them or see them, it's just hard. I have a hard time finding the joy. I guess I'm grieving the ambiguous-loss of the one parent I was connected with.

I thought I would share here to see if anyone can relate. Thanks for reading and please be nice.. I'm new to this world but I want to learn how to do better.

amynolla

I understand. My mom and I were fairly close and I miss my real mom. Not having that person to talk and laugh with has been extremely hard. I don’t have any advice because I’m struggling with it too, but you are not alone.

SDianeL

welcome. So sorry about your Mom. Yes we know exactly how you feel. We grieve the loss of what was and what will never be. It’s called the long goodbye. Come here often for info and support or to vent. I don’t know what I would have done without this group of people. Hugs. 💜

MissOldMom

I know exactly what it feels like. It’s why I chose my name on here to be “MissOldMom,” because the Mom I knew before is gone. She’s still in there, somewhere, but has changed so much from this horrible disease that our relationship is difficult now. My mom lives with us now (for about a year and a half), and I regret having done that. I think I’d actually have kept somewhat of the same mother/daughter relationship I had even with her having Alzheimer’s if we had NOT become caregivers instead. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and watching my Mom slowly decline is so hard on my emotional and physical well being. We were best friends once. Now I just feel like I’m taking care of a toddler who is not even related to me anymore.

It’s awful. I’m sorry that you’re going through this for sure. Hopefully it helps some that you’re not alone because many of us feel exactly the same way. It might not change anything that’s happening but I think, for me, it helps to know I’m not the only one that is Missing my Old Mom.