Feeling Guilty

Mav2126

Both my father and mother entered a nursing home a few months ago. I stop by each week to visit them. Its so clear they are unhappy there. They look at it as a huge loss to their freedom. The staff tell them what do - "sit here" "sit there". They are adults but treated like children sometimes. I feel terribly guilty and feel like its my fault that they are unhappy. I know there was nothing we could do as they both have rapidly progressing dementia but it feels so bad knowing they are there and not happy and there is nothing I can do to make them happier.

MPSunshine

Maybe there is something you can do? You can treat your parents like adults, bring them activities that stimulate their minds. You can talk to staff and ask them to talk more respectfully towards the people who, by the way, pay their salaries. Maybe your parents will never be happy there. Maybe you can take them on outings at least, and give them some idea that you care.

Colacho10

You can try to help them feel calm and remembered. When you visit, bring things that remind them of their old life, like a photo album, or play them some familiar music. You could try getting them to another nursing home, but no one can guarantee that the staff would be more polite there, and for people with dementia, it is not good to move often.

Just try to focus on making them feel happier when you are there.

Mav2126

Thanks everyone for your kind replies.

H1235

I guess I have a different take on this. Nursing home staff need to “tell” them what to do, where to go and where to sit, because they probably dont know (but don’t realize it). My mom complains about these kinds of things, but I see the staff being kind and encouraging. She just doesn’t like the loss of independence and get upset with anyone who tries to help or show her how or what to do. I don’t know how you solve this, but I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that it’s staff. I would be more inclined to believe it’s the dementia.

SDianeL

it’s so sad to visit them and see them unhappy. I think it’s the disease progression. They may have been unhappy at home too as the disease progresses. Many PWDs have depression and most have anxiety.