PWD calling police repeatedly

cla-2019

What can we do? PWD (Dad) keeps calling the police reporting his car stolen and they’ve had to come out repeatedly. His car is not stolen, though it is gone because he stopped being able to manage maintenance and repairs even with assistance, and should not be driving anyhow. What do we do? This is a huge waste of the PD’s time and stresses everyone considerably. Needless to say, it also breaks my heart that he’s so stressed about this.

Background: PWD has been diagnosed with Alzhemiers and over the course of the diagnosis had stopped taking care of his car. He’s proven unable to get his car or house repairs done even when assisted so we moved him into a supportive environment sometime ago. The last time he saw his car, it wasn’t working and had to be towed.

For a while, this was not a big deal and occasionally he’d ask and we’d remind him it needed repairs. Then, about a month ago, he saw one of the employees drive off the lot in a car very similar to his and he became convinced the person was stealing his car. We remind him regularly that it was in the shop and I re-send pics of the issues but it doesn't stick. Now that he’s involved the police, I tried to just roll with his version of the story —not contradicting him but instead reminding him that insurance will pay out if it’s really stolen. Unfortunately he’s still calling the cops about it and they’re obligated to respond. What to do?

ARIL

Yes, this is hard. I am sorry.

My stepmother WD called the police repeatedly from an AL facility, saying she had been kidnapped. After two visits, the police told the facility to remove the phone from her room, which they did. Then she used other residents’ phones; those phones got yanked too. Then she went to MC, which was the level of care she needed.

There comes a time when the phone is more trouble than it’s worth. That time may have come in this case. He’s not going to be persuaded not to call the police.

As for trying to convince your dad about the car, I am sorry to say that that isn’t going to work. His brain is just not able to process information as it once was. Your impulse to tell the “in the shop” tale will have to be repeated and repeated and repeated. I talk to my dad almost every day about why “he” sold his car: my story is basically true and always the same, and he likes hearing that he made a good decision (we don’t talk about his decline), but then he might ask again a few minutes later. So I do it again, or try to distract. That’s just how it is right now.

Hang in there.

terei

The only way to control this is to control access to a phone, which means removing the phone.

cla-2019

Thanks for sharing your experiences with it. This is just a no-win situation for everyone involved in some fronts. I’ll just keep trying to white knuckle hold onto good times with him I guess.

SDianeL

It’s time to disappear the phone. Create a fib that it’s broken and being fixed. You will have to repeat the answer many many times each day. His memory is gone. 2 things I learned here when I joined were: 1) don’t argue with someone with dementia and 2) you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. I repeated that to myself several times throughout the day.

cla-2019

When it comes to that, how do you keep in touch with your LO after you take the phone away? We text and talk daily and I do not live in the same city. My sister and I both work, so even though she’s closer, she’s still also reliant on the phone during the work week. How do folks get around that? We hear and see that our calls brighten his mood…

H1235

Could a phone be set up to only receive calls, blocking his ability to make calls? My mom has a land line phone in her room, but she can’t make outgoing calls. But it is the facilities phone not hers. Would blocking outgoing calls on a land line be easier? So often there are just no good options.

harshedbuzz

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255197#Comment_255197

What is the nature of the "supportive environment"? If you're both checking in by phone, you could put the device into Airplane Mode and assuming he has WiFi he could text via an app. If there's no WiFi, then you would arrange the call by putting a landline in his room and have staff facilitate calls as needed. Unfortunately, this might not be doable at times that are convenient for you.

https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/travel/how-to-send-and-receive-text-messages-on-a-flight?msockid=0d53dd34e20064243efccb67e3196565

HB

cla-2019

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255220#Comment_255220

It’s an independent living with caregiver visits. What you’ve proposed is probably feasible actually. Thank you for the suggestion!

Quilting brings calm

It’s an independent living with caregiver visits

I’m not understanding how someone that cannot understand that his car has not been stolen and keeps calling 911 after being told not to can live in independent living. Even with caregivers. Independent living does not have locked wards. What’s to stop him from wandering off because he decides he doesn’t live there and attempts to walk home? Or from deciding that he should go after the employer that he thinks stole his car?
You need a plan B in case the independent living management says he needs more care than they want to provide

cla-2019

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255262#Comment_255262

yep. He’s on the list for a room at the MC because we knew the day would come at some point.