Mom is still Transitioning

Istoppedescaping

This means dieing and it's been two days and she hasn't passed away yet. What should I be doing, while waiting. I am sick, tired, exhausted, and emotionally drained. But can't sleep. I was thinking about calling my family but they are feeling the same. I went to church and prayed. I have my cross next to me just waiting for the call from the hospice nurse. I would be with her but it's just to painful to see her heavy breathing and body grasping for air again. The doctor said this could last for a week. Can someone please respond.

JeriLynn66

I’m sorry this is so hard. Hard to be there, hard to not. With you in faith and love ❤️. My prayers are with you now

ronda b

Hugs and shoulder to cry on. I wish I had

More of an answer.

otfgirl750

saying prayers for you

sandwichone123

I'm so sorry to hear this. Does the hospice have a chaplain you can call? There should also be some volunteers that might be able to spend time with you while you wait.

SDianeL

so sorry. I stayed by my husbands side and held his hand and talked to him. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. Talk to the hospice nurse. Hospice has counselors and chaplains you can talk to. They are so understanding. Can someone go with you when you visit? My daughter went with me. That gave me strength. Praying for you and your Mom. 🙏💜

harshedbuzz

@Istoppedescaping

Hugs to you at this emotionally difficult time. The sound of dad's breathing is forever etched in my memory.

Some thoughts:

IME, sometimes people who are actively dying seem to need permission to leave. I know it sounds crazy, but hearing is the last sense to shut down. Your mom might need to know that you'll be OK once she passes. She'll pass more easily if you thank her for being there for you and that you'll miss her but be OK. Dad, who was no yet actively dying, passed within a few days of mom telling him we'd be OK and that being married to him had been an adventure.

Another thing I have seen play out is that some people who are actively dying seem to make a choice to pass when specific individuals are bedside or have stepped away. With my friend's husband who passed from complex heart-lung issues which suddenly stopped responding to treatment, he seemed to hang on until his favorite sister arrived from halfway across the country. He was lucid for about 10 minutes after she got to the hospital making a joke about not eating sugar-free ice cream on his deathbed, then became unresponsive passing 30 minutes later. With my MIL it was the opposite as long as BIL was holding vigil bedside she wasn't going to go. He was a physician and knew the end was hours away. He was bedside for 3 days until his wife convinced him to go home for a shower and nap while she sat with MIL. BIL didn't make it back to his house before she passed.

Can another family member or a hospice Chaplin support you bedside?

HB

Istoppedescaping

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255435#Comment_255435

Yes I will call him I forgot. She passed away last night. Thank you and God bless.

Istoppedescaping

Wonderful comment and you are so right Thank you so much. Last night after my sister in law put the phone next to my Mother and he said his goodbyes she passed a few hours later when the whole family left her. So insightful, thank you. I will call the Chaplin Hospice right now. Thank you so much!!

harshedbuzz

@Istoppedescaping

I am sorry for the loss of your dear mom. Please be gentle with yourself as you move forward.
HB

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255461#Comment_255461

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please keep in touch. Hugs. 💜