I just cried

blacksparky

Today was the first day for my DW to be in daycare. We’ve been together 24/7 since her diagnoses of EOAD in 2023. I dropped her off and went back to my car and broke down in tears missing her and feeling guilty of abandoning her, I know this is good for both of us and it is only 1 day a week. I can’t even imagine my feelings if and when she needs MC.

Metta

Sending hugs to you. The transitions are very hard. It seems that there is always a new reason for tears. You are caring for her and loving her. That is all we can do.

persevere

We humans are so complex. We can’t wait for a break and the minute we get one we feel guilty. You’re a good man.

Arrowhead

Do not feel guilty. You did not abandon her. You are giving yourself a day of rest and giving her the chance to socialize with others. It will be good for both of you.

Biggles

Life seems so hard just my heart is with you I dread the moment.

Timmyd

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74349/i-just-cried

Thank you for sharing this. Please let us know how it goes. Hopefully the people at daycare are skilled professionals and have the skills to help DW adapt. I had a similar experience but it became much easier when I realized DW was adjusted and content with the people who were caring for her in my absence.

sherryandwilliam

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74349/i-just-cried

I finally got set up for daycare for my husband and he had the fall before it happened. I do wish I would of started it earlier in his disease I know I would have the same mixed emotions you are having,

SDianeL

We know how you feel. Hugs.

Karen711

Sorry it was a rough day Blacksparky! It would be a godsend if it would give you the respite I have no doubt you need!
I have wondered if my DW would benefit from some sort of day care in terms of possible interactions with others, though I believe she would not go willingly. She would be very angry, and life would be unpleasant until she forgot about it.
She has very little to no short term memory available, with the exception that she tends to remember things longer that she really doesn’t like.
Please let us know how your DW did while she was there. Was she happy to see you when you picked her up? I hope so!

💜Karen

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74349/i-just-cried

Please get a counselor that will guide you through the maze of depression, suffering, guilt and grief. It is a journey through distortions of reality which will bring the worst unwarranted guilt and pain. A good counselor will lead you to see that you are doing the best you can, that you cannot fix your DW and need to care for yourself for both of you. You cannot take care of her if you get sick. This disease will take both of you down. I know this personally. Thirty percent of caregivers die due to the stress and effect on your mental and physical health. I know it is heart-breaking, breathe, take one step at a time and know that you are doing the right thing. Hugs to you.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74349/i-just-cried

I can't imagine but I would like to experience this. I have explored daycare but DH has an erratic sleep pattern and isn't very cooperative it I try to get him out of the house by early afternoon. I can not even imagine having the house to myself for half an hour.

blacksparky

Update: When I picked up my DW later that day, she saw me and jumped up and came over to me with a smile. The director there said she did great and when the director told my DW that she would see her Friday, my DW said ok. I asked her if she had a good day and she said yes, do I am glad I took her now. Thanks everyone for all your great advice and caring responses. I just love this site.

WIGO23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256154#Comment_256154

Thanks for the update! Successes encourage those of us to try to find ways to cope with this awful disease.

Metta

I am so happy for you both! Thank you for sharing the positive outcome and how difficult this was for you.

So many read this site without posting. I know that I did for months. I hope that your story inspires others to take this step forward and give daycare a try.

JDancer

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256154#Comment_256154

Thanks for the update. I'm taking my spouse to daycare for the first time this Friday.

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256154#Comment_256154

I’m so happy that it went so well. One of the things i’ve learned through this journey is that my expectations don’t always pan out - sometimes the situation ends up better than I thought it would. I am an emotional person and a worrywart which are not necessarily good characteristics for a caregiver. Give yourself credit for doing something that will benefit both of you.

Vitruvius

Just some things to be aware of.

I took my DW to a daycare program for about a year before it became necessary to place her in a MCF. She was in for 4 hours 4 times a week. She would often, but not always, be reluctant to get out of the car when we arrived. The nice women who worked the program would come out and help coax her into the building. She had a noticeable anxiety about leaving me (even though she didn’t really know exactly who I was anymore). But once in she always had a great time and was in a good mood when I picked her up. So don’t let any initial hesitation discourage you from continuing with the program.

Also of interest was that on the three days she was not in the program she was more rudderless during that part of the day. The program gave her a real structure and socialization that was a bit hard to replicate at home.

Karen711

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256154#Comment_256154

Thanks for the update, yay!!!

CindyBum

That's wonderful!

blacksparky

Well today was Pamella’s second day at daycare. What a disaster. When I came to pick her up, she was sitting with the director in the lobby crying uncontrollably. She kept saying to me that I just left her there and wasn’t coming back. I assured her that I was here now and not going to leave her. She has been very mad at me the last couple of hours and saying she never wants to go back there. I’m thinking I probably won’t take her back for now. She’s not that far gone memory wise to forget after I drop her off. Probably going to have to start searching for a at home caregiver and give that a try. I just hate this disease. 

Chance Rider

I’m so sorry today’s experience was so different from the first. How disheartening for both her and you. I hope she’ll be able to accept an in home care.

I’m with you, as I’m sure we are all, in hating this disease.

sandwichone123

Day care didn't work well for us as my dh kept trying to leave and get out and the staff was finding it very stressful. He couldn't be left alone any more and I needed to get to work. I don't know how long day care would have worked for us anyway, but I ended up having to place him a few months later.