A Trip

CindyBum

I have to make a confession. I've been telling people here how difficult taking trips with my DW in Stage 5/6 have been and recommending not to do them. Then, the glutton for punishment I am, I decided I'd try again to bring my DW to our old hometown. She went to college here and has wonderful friends and family here that she misses. So, into the car we went for a 4.5 hour drive.

The trip over was fine for a couple of hours. The last two hours were hell on wheels, literally. Screaming…trying to jump out of the car…taking off her seatbealt…etc. But, I knew that would come. I hung in there and got us here. I'd planned better and her sister met us at the vacation home to be the extra help. I dropped my DW off with her when we arrived, then took myself to the local steakhouse to celebrate that I had survived the drive. It was so fun. I went from cocktail/appetizers through to desert. Sitting at the bar by myself for a while. Then a friend of mine joined me for desert. I can't believe how different I felt taking this approach rather than wallowing in the roughness of that damn drive. Remarkable how different it was from the horrible trip for Christmas last year. I am such a different person a year later.

DW has gotten to see her best friends several times so far, she's seen her step-daughter and step-grandkids. Even her ex-husband, who's a good friend. She brightened for these visits, trying to crack jokes with folks and show-timing as best she can. But, there's also a deeper sense of calm I can see in her with her friends. The best part is I've skipped out for free time and she's hung out with her sister and her friends. When they arrive, she barely notices me going, which is quite the change from the shadow I normally have.

I already dread the drive back on Sunday, but gonna hang in there the next two days through all of the normal difficulties we'd have here or at home. Little about this is fun, but it feels very good to give her this gift. And honestly, to give her friends and family this gift. They are so dang happy to see her. I don't know that she'll be able to do it again, but who knows? I know better now than to try and predict how anything will go these days.

Russinator

((HUGS))

Bailey's Mom

Glad you had a good experience. I am going on a trip with HWD in a week, even though I said I would never do it again since the last one was such a disaster. He is much worse now and very verbally abusive…so depressing. What in the world was I thinking? It's only a 1 1/2 hr drive and if It goes south (very likely) I'll just eat the substantial cost and head home. No friends or family or any hope of getting away to relax…most likely will be a big dud!

annie51

Such a great story! Thank you for sharing such a positive experience. I understand when you say you’re a different person than a year ago. There are things that I look back on that I could’ve handled better knowing what I know now, but hindsight is 20/20 and the past needs to stay in the past. Enjoy your trip!

Karen711

So happy for you there’s been an upside to taking this risk. I basked in your cocktail and meal at the bar, sweet! And the meet-up with the friend for desert- perfect. So great there have been pluses for you all!!! Thanks for sharing your experience Cindy!

Biggles

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/256299#Comment_256299

Good luck; two choices it’ll be either good or bad, fingers crossed it will be good, don’t think about the alternative maybe take some ear plugs.

elainechem

Wow! Too bad you couldn't have sedated her for the trip. I had to have my hubby start riding in the back seat of the car, with the child locks engaged, because he actually got out one time while we were moving. I saw what he was doing and I managed to slow to 5mph before he jumped out.

Belle60

Yea my DH so far is still able to take trips. We are taking a trip to Cancun in a week. Short plane rides 2 hours each leg. This will be a trip with other family so I felt it was important. At least there will be other family there to help out. I keep thinking at some point he will not be able to travel so I want to get these trips in now. Each trip we take I worry about all the things that could happen but so far it is manageable. We have always traveled far and wide so I think that helps. I just got a GPS tracking watch for him so that gives me some peace of mind. I have lost him in the airport a couple of times. He had an AirTag but it was sometimes difficult to get a signal. Hoping the GPS tracker watch will be better.

White Crane

Cindy, good for you! You gave her family and friends a precious gift and you gave her some moments of joy. I hope your trip home is uneventful. Sending hugs.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74372/a-trip

I’m so happy for you as well. The drive from hell turned out to be worth it for the both of you. I hope the drive home is better than anticipated,

JeriLynn66

Prayers for safe and calm travel for you today, Cindy.

Lilydaisy

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74372/a-trip

I tend to try "one more time" even after I decided not to. Last time it was hard on me in the middle of it but it felt ok later.

Goodlife2025

Yes, thank you CindyBum for sharing this post. First, I am so glad you were blessed with some much needed "me" time. I hope it brings you some much needed rejuvenation. I have about given up on the idea of another trip with my DW but maybe …. I can try again. This summer we took a long weekend near Salida CO; a trip we have enjoyed many times in the past. This year we ended up on the side of the road both crying as it was just so hard….. you all know. But like you said things are learned and maybe there is a way.

CindyBum

Well…trip home was hard as well. I'm more worn out now and can't go to the steak house, but totally worth it. I gave her more anti-anxiety meds to help her on the way home, but she fought falling asleep. In the back seat the second half of the drive, so at least I didn't have to listen to her as much. And, she doesn't know how to work the doors in the back, so that helped. The constant jabbering, occasional brief crying and we're going the wrong way and all that was annoying, but manageable.

There is so much more community in our old college town than in this little fishing village. So many friends and family. I wonder now about if I place her, if I'll do it there instead. She'd have more visitors and I could driver over and do extended stays there or something. I also wonder if I shouldn't have moved us there for this time in our lives, but that decision is long since made. Anyway…I'll hold this trip in my heart for a long time.