Mom has become aggressive and mean

9133Cordoba

My mom fell and broke her hip a little over 4 weeks ago. She had early dementia with confusion for the past couple of years, but since the surgery/anesthesia her dementia has dramatically changed. She will become highly agitated and say incredibly mean and hateful things which is not my mom at all. She has been in the hospital and rehab since the surgery. We tried taking her home but the increased agitation and nursing care needed was beyond my dad's ability (even with outside caregivers coming in). She is not eating very much at this point and needs skilled care since she cannot do anything for herself. It is so hard to see this rapid decline in my mom, who 6 weeks ago was up and about and doing well. It is also incredibly hard on my dad who is 90. Between the 2 of us we are doing our best to be there for her. I don't want to see my mom 'drugged' up but this extreme outbursts of yelling for a couple of hours at a time are so hard on here and those around her. We have found a skilled nursing facility that she will be residing at but it's a shared room and I worry about her behavior. I'm not expecting any answers from this post, but, I just needed to unload and know I am not alone in this - that others have experienced the same thing. We have strong faith in God so we are just taking it one day at a time.

H1235

Welcome. You should alway feel free to vent as much as needed. It feels better to let out your frustrations. There are anxiety medications that will not turn her into a zombie. It can take time to find the right one and the correct dose and the process can be frustrating, but I would encourage you to talk to her doctor about options. You said you don’t want her all drugged up, but the alternative of having her screaming and upset is not good either ( for her or the family). I would be surprised if the nursing home doesn’t insist on medication. I hope the move goes well and I hope she is able to find some kind of relief from the stress and anxiety she is feeling.

SusanB-dil

Hi 9133Cordoba - I totally agree with H1235. Go ahead and vent because of 'this' horrid disease.

There are meds that will calm her down (Seroquel is the biggest help with MIL) without being zombied. Definitely let her doc know. It is also a wise of you to know when it is beyond capability.

And unfortunately, it seems that a PWD that has to undergo anesthesia can make matters worse. Sometimes necessary, though.

SDianeL

welcome. We understand what you are going through. I also doubt the nursing home will allow her there if she is aggressive with staff. They can’t allow their staff to be hurt. Medication is often necessary. Anesthesia causes decline but sometimes the PWD returns to baseline. Not always.

sheepdog58

I think the deep seated fear in a PWD is a cause for anger, meanness and aggressiveness. My Mom had lived with us for 3 declining years with memory loss. We finally put her in AL where she gets along okay but is always angry about now going home where she was raised, 2000 miles away. The threats and manipulation are always there trying to get us to take her back home. I try to remember she probably has some awareness of losing her memory ( and other facilities) which is really scary for her even though she insists nothing is wrong with her. She has lost 50% of her hearing but won’t wear her hearing aids. And her mobility is not good ( she is 97) but always says “I don’t need that d…. walker!” I can walk fine!

harshedbuzz

@9133Cordoba

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place. If nothing else, it is a safe place to vent feelings to those who get it.

It is not unusual for a fracture and the resulting treatment and hospitalization to dramatically hasten the progression of the disease. I saw this with my aunt who went from early stage to end stage as a result.

Behavior is communication. Hopefully they can find medication that can effectively treat her anxiety without undue sedation.

HB