Hubby in MC wants to come home. Help!

Katcat

I stayed away one week. Hubby happy to see me but crying. Wants to come home. Very difficult to redirect. I’ve been bringing cards games which helps but then he starts up he wants to go home. We are letting a doctor dictate where he can live. Anyway any suggestions how to handle this. Maybe there are meds for him to take the edge off?

SDianeL

Yes there are meds. Talk to the doctor asap. Tell the doctor he is depressed and anxious and wants to go home. Many PWDs say they want to go home even if they are living in the same home they have lived in for decades. For them, home is a feeling not a physical place. Them wanting to go home is caused by anxiety. I would visit at mealtime so he’s distracted. Keep visits to about a hour. Don’t say goodbye when you leave. Just quietly slip out. I would tell the nurse I was leaving and she would distract him with ice cream. Talk to the nurse and see how he is when you’re not there. It could be that you trigger him wanting to go home. I know it’s difficult to see him that way but remember why he’s there. He needs 24/7 care. You are not doing this to him, you’re doing it for him. Hugs. 💜

annie51

So sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard to see them this way. The facility doctor should be able to adjust meds to help. You have some good advice from @SDianeL . I can only offer moral support and empathy and a virtual hug.

Dio

So sorry that you're going through this. Just remember why he's placed. No one at an mcf wants to be there. The first thing my DH said at my first visit was, "Are you here to take me home?" It crushed my heart. How could I leave him there when I wouldn't want to be there myself? The guilt still gnaws each day, but the alternative would have been worse. Hugs…hopefully, this will subside soon.

Katcat

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/257680#Comment_257680

thx so much yup my hubby said same thing. I figured out leaving when they serve lunch is good because he doesn’t want me there while he’s eating so I can just leave without him crying. I do like the weight is off when I go out to run errands. Don’t have to worry about him. Can relax when I watch tv. However it’s tough thinking of him there. But he forgets. I know he’s in a good place. Hugs