Queen of my Castle ?

JC5

Long Rant Sorry

I’m waiting to be that “Queen of my castle, Large and in charge”. - reference to Bill’s wonderful essay a few years back! Right now I feel in charge of nothing - playing heat police once again this season as DH keeps turning thermostat up, he refuses to open drapes or blinds b/c he’s cold, he won’t stop bringing multiple drinks and snacks to bed, spilling the drinks as he climbs the stairs, always asking for his truck which we told him was in the shop, will shower maybe every 2 weeks, wears same clothes for days all day and to bed,refuses to wear suspenders to keep his pants up so he walks with one had holding the cane the other holding his pants up! Eating habits horrible loves sweets - ate a whole container of ice cream last night, picks food out of his mouth and puts it on the plate - I can’t eat with him!
l understand the why’s and I try and try but it’s an uphill battle , I get so far and pushed back down the hill - so maybe I should let him turn the heat up and pay the $$$ to Con Ed, let him stuff his face with sweets even tho he’s diabetic, and not wear the “special” underwear at night b/c he doesn’t like them, let his pants fall down b/c he doesn’t like suspenders and you know the list goes on and on. Think I need a break, but it will still be here after my break. Tks for listening

Bailey's Mom

Same here…have to do absolutely everything, but still not 'in charge of my castle!'. I feel like my body is rotting from the inside from the constant, unbearable heat (we live in Florida and can't use the ac!) and I can't stand living in this filthy house that I can't keep up with…ugh…

Chance Rider

I can so relate to what you’ve both shared. My husband typically only showers before doctor appointments, maybe twice a month. He wears a the same clothes day in and out.., sleeps in his daytime clothes. I put a small dorm type fridge in his room where he keeps drinks and muffins, cookies, turnovers, etc. Rather than agitate him further I choose my battles carefully. (Right now the chore is to walk him through his daily exercise routine his PT just set up.)

We live on 10 acres in an area plagued by wildfires so my focus is mitigating fire risk and less on housecleaning. It makes me crazy but I can only do so much on my own. I don’t even want to be in charge of this castle and grounds… want someone else to be in charge!

All I can add is that you’re not alone and this is a perfect place to be heard.

annie51

Yes so true. In charge of everything but our wants and wishes are no longer important. My DH has been in MC for 3 weeks now. At first I was shocked to realize how many things during the entire day had become a new habit in order to keep him calm and happy as much as possible. I was happy to get my carpets cleaned and the furniture back where it belonged - but some habits I’m going to keep just to make me feel closer to him and honor him. We know how you feel!

Maru

I am truly sorry for what you are going through ( and so many others). DH is still somewhere in the moderate stage, so this is really disheartning to read. I try not to think about what our future may look like. Still, I am in hopes that God will give me the strength, wisdom and grace to take care of each day's events as they happen. Hugs and prayers.

Milo4455

Yep, feels more accurate of the servant of HIS castle. I've accepted the role, most times. Try not to dwell on the what ifs of a time no longer and enjoy the few calm moments of the present. We're pretty much right there with you, except he will wear his suspenders, but it's a constant battle with him using his cane. At the end of the day, choose your battles wisely.