Where I Find Peace

howhale

My dear wife left us in August, 2025 after her 8+ year struggle with this nightmare. The going remains very hard at this point at home or trying to get out. After her burial, I waited until the cemetery notified me that her name had been installed on our grave site to visit. Unfortunately the cemetery is not close by, however it is also where almost all other family members are buried so she is among loved ones. It makes it more difficult to visit easily. While my visit was filled with painful crying, begging forgiveness for not doing better for her and all that you would expect after this loss, I did also feel a sense of peace, a calmness in my soul, a comfort that I had not felt. I marked it up to the first visit and emotions. On my next visit, in the quiet of the place I found that same peace standing beside her there. I don't know why I feel this way there but it is real for me and I wish I could just sit there beside her and feel that way more. My peace for now comes when I am beside her in that quiet place. Maybe it is good she is not close by or I might just spend every day sitting there and not trying to move ahead.

fmb

@howhale You are still in the early days of grief. Be gentle with yourself. Self-recrimination serves no useful purpose, though I understand how hard it is to give up. She has already forgiven you for your perceived lapses a thousand times over. I'm glad you are finding peace in visiting her grave. Peace is a beautiful gift that can be found hidden in the grief.

midge333

Please be kind to yourself. We need to give ourselves the same grace that we readily give to others.

SDianeL

I feel peace when I visit my husband’s grave too. I think it’s because I know he’s at peace and no longer suffering. You were a good husband and caregiver. Maybe not a perfect one (nobody is) but a loving and caring one. Hugs.