Long term memory going / reality distorted

RunningWorried76

Last night, mom came upstairs and asked where our son was. I'm her son. At first, I thought she said "your son". I told her he was upstairs in his room. A few questions later, I realized she thought I was my dad. They divorced over 30 years ago...

Last couple of weeks, she has been obsessively asking about dad and getting upset. When is he visiting? Is he seeing another woman, etc.? He remarried 20+ years ago, and she knew this, at least she used to. I can't figure out if deflecting or telling her the truth is better. Neither method seems to help.

Back to last night, after I realized she thought I was my dad, I tried to explain to her that I'm her son. She didn't believe me. She got angry and upset and started crying. Saying things like:

"You don't love me anymore."

"Why don't you sleep in my bed anymore?"

"Where is our son? Where is he sleeping? We don't have enough bedrooms." (I think she believes we are back in the house I grew up in).

"Don't call me mom. I'm your wife, not your mother."

And then finally she said something that floored me. I don't even want to repeat it.

I was able to talk her back to her room, but I had to leave her there while she was still crying. I just kept telling her calmly, "You're tired. You need to go back to sleep".

When I checked on her about 15 minutes later, she appeared to be sleeping.

Exhausted, thanks for listening/reading.

harshedbuzz

I'm sorry. This is hard. Anytime you think this disease couldn't get any uglier…

A lot of PWD "time travel" and confuse younger family members for a younger version of a spouse or sibling. My aunt used to confuse me with my mom even when we visited together. My father confused my niece for mom before he was diagnosed. It caused a lot of hurt feelings in the family as mom refused to believe it.

HB

SiberianIris

Rachael Wonderlin has an excellent video describing "Timeline Confusion" which is what's happening when your mother doesn't recognize you as her son and thinks you're her husband:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8uIiLKUp_o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8uIiLKUp_o

SDianeL

sadly it’s very common. My DH thought my daughter was me, even when we visited together. Anytime I walked into his room I introduced myself and said hi honey, it’s me, your wife and said my name. That helped. Arguing does no good. Best to fib. Telling her the truth would cause her more anxiety.

MN Chickadee

I'm sorry, that is rough. You will have to say whatever brings comfort. Reasoning won't work. During this time my mother took to a baby doll, it helped calm her and seemed to soothe her as she must have been re-living my childhood years. Maybe try leaving one around and see if she notices it. Therapeutic fibs when she is asking where her ex is. He is travelling, staying with grandma, on a work trip etc. You don't have to say yes I am your husband when she is confused, but you can deflect and ask what she misses about her husband, tell her you are there for her and will always take are of her etc. Validate and re-direct as best you can. Nights and sundowning (early evening) may be worst.