Accusations

Grammahesther

i am new to the group….my DH has early stage dementia..he hasnt been tested as he refuses…the accusations and delusions are getting much more frequent..the dr prescribed meds for his anxiety but he is refusing to take all his meds as he says i am trying to kill him….he is with me always..refuses to have me go anywhere on my own…claims i have all these boyfriends..they follow us in the grocery store..come out of the woods across the road..drive by our house….inhave lost contact with friends as he goes off the deep end if i visit with them so it is easier not to contact anyone..my grown children live out of state…i guess i just need to vent.

Goodlife2025

Welcome Grammahesther and so sorry for the reason you need to join this group. Others on here will have better advice than I on this subject but it sounds like you may no longer be safe? Do you have a plan to get somewhere safe if behaviors escalate? Have you tried hiding his meds in his food? Can you video his behaviors and share with his doctor?

Venting is good and my DW is not nearly as agitated as others loved ones so hopefully they can offer additional help.

SDianeL

Welcome. Sorry about your husband. I wouldn’t discuss dementia with your DH. To get him tested try fibbing to him. Tell him his insurance requires him to see a doctor. Check with the pharmacist to see what meds can be crushed and put them in his food. If he’s taking something that can’t be crushed talk to the doctor about changing those to crushable ones or liquid that you can put in drinks. I think the behavior you describe sounds more like moderate dementia rather than mild. Search online for a chart that lists the 7 stages of dementia and the behaviors in each stage to give you a general idea. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Come here often for info and support.

jgreen

Hi Gramma, Glad you found us.

I will attach a copy of the ‘behavior assessment that @SDianeL recommended.

Dementia Behavioral Assessment.pdf

The ‘therapeutic story’ about insurance requirements is a good one. Along with crushing meds that can be crushed. Hopefully you are able to get husband on a regimen that will even out those moods.

Hugs 💝

H1235

People with dementia often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It is very difficult to deal with. Trying to reason with him by pointing out symptoms is only going to upset him. I would avoid any discussion with him about his symptoms or limitations. I can think of a few approaches that are commonly recommended here. Diverting- Change the subject or try to distract him with something. Therapeutic Fib- I know it seems wrong, but if it keeps him from getting upset. We are not used to doing this, so it takes some time to get used to it. Another idea is to do what need to be done without telling him. If you tell him you had the oil changed in the car he may become upset because he usually does that. He doesn’t need to know. Lastly-just agree. If it really doesn’t matter don’t correct him. Even when being accused of stealing some caregivers have said if they just apologize the pwd responds better than when they try to defend themselves. Knowing when to use these different options is tricky and of course every person with dementia is different.

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/295/anosognosia

Arrowhead

Since he won't let you go anywhere alone, perhaps you can make an appointment with your own doctor, but have your doctor covertly evaluate him instead.

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74609/accusations

Do whatever you have to do to get him tested even if it means lying. Start with his primary as it is always possible that this is not ALZ but some other disorder, but only testing will tell you that. Since he won't let you go anywhere alone it should not be hard to get him to the doctor.

harshedbuzz

@Grammahesther

I agree with SDianeL that this sounds like dementia progressed to the moderate stage. That's when dad started with delusions (false beliefs) and hallucinations (actually seeing, hearing, smelling things not there). Dad also had a sadly common belief that mom was cheating and was quite aggressive, not to mention crude, in his accusations.

This is not sustainable for either of you. He needs to at least be tested for conditions that mimic dementia but might be treatable. In dad's case, he had mixed dementia. One was caused by a vitamin deficiency and improved for a time with IV treatment. Mom, on the other hand, improved to her baseline with treatment for Lyme Disease.

HB