Balance

sjmcmill

My DH is 25 year older than I am. He is 94, I am 69. I've known this was coming for about 15 years. Early years were challenging, but COVID was the hammer that drove nails into the structure of our lives.

I moved him into a MC about a year ago. I was dealing with other "stuff" at the (my brother was killed in an automobile accident). Initially I was trying to visit him 3-4 times a week. I was also working on self-care and doing some travel. But he was NOT thriving. Had lost a lot of weight. Was sleeping alot. Lots of anxiety and paranoia.

About 6 months ago, I moved him to an AL facility and moved in with him. I kept our condo and have been doing a respite day there each week. He wants me with him 100% of the time. But I'm feeling the need for more breathing space.

I'm thinking about reducing my time at the AL facility and increasing my time at our condo. This is likely going to increase my care costs. I can still afford his care for now, but I'm starting to be concerned about what this might mean for having the resources for taking care of myself in old age (I have no children).

Would appreciate advice on how to find balance in a situation like this.

SDianeL

welcome. Glad you’re here but not for the reason. Sorry about your DH. Your respite time is important for your mental and physical well being. I would at least continue the respite day each week. Have you thought about talking with an Elder Care Attirney about your future? They know the Medicaid rules and can advise on trusts and ways to care for both you and your DH while protecting your assets. Another consideration is that soon he will require 24/7 care and may become bedridden. What are your plans when that happens? MC may be the less expensive option then. Take care of yourself. 💜