My spouse does not remember who I am.

rickpoulette

My spouse does not recognize me all the time. I cannot control her in anyway when she forgets who I am. What can I do about that?

tonyac2

My DH goes in and out of knowing I’m his wife. Most of the time I’m his mom or his grandmother. I remember one day saying I’m your wife and he gave me a grimaced look. I said, well, maybe not. It’s awful what this disease does to our LO and to us. If your spouse gets agitated by not recognizing you, Seroquel could help. Sorry you’re going through this.

Colacho10

Forgetting who you are is a sign of how far along the disease is, and it's not something you can control or fight. My dad hasn't gotten to that stage yet, but I've read and thought a lot about this. When it happens, I plan to stop trying to force recognition and instead focus on making him feel safe and calm in that moment, even if he thinks I'm a stranger. Just try to go with her reality, whatever it is right then, and prioritise her emotional well-being over getting her to remember you.

jgreen

Hi @rickpoulette

I see you are new here. Welcome and sorry you have to be here under such tough circumstances. This is a great support group, so come here as often as you need.

There are some nice videos by Teepa Snow and Tam Cummings. Our LO’s brains are changing and they are thinking like children the farther they progress in this terrible disease. So your spouse might be at that stage where they don’t know they are married! Check out those videos. They can help you get a different perspective and also come up with some responses.

The book The 36-Hour Day is my ‘bible’. If you choose to purchase one, the 8th edition is the most current.

Be sure to contact an Elder Care Attorney (if you haven’t done so already). They can help you with legal paperwork and future planning.

I hope this helps. God bless you during these difficult times.

DonnaPJ

To the other suggestions I would add the Alzheimer's Association hotline 800-272-3900. It's available 24/7.

Kat63

So sorry you are at the stage of this terrible disease where your DW does not recognize you as her spouse. I definitely remember the first time my DH didn’t recognize me. It really scared me, as yes as long as he knew who I was, we could handle all the symptoms of Alzheimer, no problem. Once he did not know me, I really had to educate myself in this disease so I could do what was necessary to care for my DH. As others have said, read the books, watch the videos, and read advice from everyone on this site. My DH does not know we are married and hasn’t called me by name for quite some time, but he is still so connected to me and knows I am the person caring for him and he does feel safe with me. Know we are all here for you and come here often for anything you need.

H1235

I’m pretty sure my mil didn’t know who I was when I went to visit. I really never brought it up. I often brought my young grandsons and she loved seeing them. Again I’m sure she had no idea they were her great grandchildren. But I think she enjoyed that time. I am also sure she forgot about the visit shortly after we left. My hope is that she enjoyed the time we were there. She was living in the moment. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be with a spouse. Live each moment in her reality, accept it and hopefully find some joy in it.

SpokaneTom

Rick, I am in the exact same situation you are. Some days are better than others. Today isn't one of them. I have no advice for you. It just sucks doesn't it? I find that I think of my DW as a woman I room with. I cook for her, clean, do laundry, drive her places. But the woman I married, my best friend whom I would give my life for, she's gone. In place of that strong, quietly confident woman is someone who looks like her, but is a timid, weepy person who often forgets who I am. She wants me to take her "home" not realizing that she's already there. I feel like I'm just waiting for her to die and that's an awful existence. I have definitely learned to live each day one at a time. Mostly because there's no predicting who will wake up next to me, assuming of course that she doesn't kick "that strange guy" out of her bed. I've generally been an upbeat guy most of my life. Now I find myself just numb. Even when she knows me, I know that it's only a matter of time (probably short) where she'll forget me again.

Dunno

I believe it's a common progression for them to forget who their loved ones are. However, not being able to control her in any way might be a sign of a UTI.

Mitsu2

That is a tough question. My husband doesn't know who I am by mid to late afternoon every day now. He thinks I'm a visitor or co-worker, and wants me to take him home or help him call his wife. Once he told me he hadn't seen his wife in awhile and was going to ask her for a divorce so we could get married.

Sometimes, he feels like I'm a bad person who's trying to take his house or the dogs, and gets very paranoid if I know any personal information about him. Like once, before I realized what was happening, I shared a memory of a family visit and he got very angry, and said "How do you know about my family?" The police have been involved twice - once when he escalated and became aggressive and another time when he got out of the car when I was driving and walked into traffic. Both times, he thought I was someone else - a bad person trying to control him, or take something from him.

Medication has definitely helped, but I feel like it's only a matter of time before a placement in a secure facility is needed.

lenbury

My wife started referring to her sister as her aunt. At first I would correct her but soon realized it made no difference; I knew who she was talking about. This was just another indication of the progression of this horrible disease.

SDianeL

Sadly it’s very common. Here’s a video that explains what is happening and how to help her.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YwIYatVI1u8

tonyac2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/259205#Comment_259205

SDianeL, where else can I view the video? When I tap on it, it just goes black. Thanks.

jgreen

Hi, @tonyac2

Try the Careblazers website at Careblazers.com. Then see if the video title will work for you.

You might also try YouTube and type on the title.

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/259211#Comment_259211

it’s on YouTube. Dementia Careblazers.

oakleighmacomb

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. When your spouse doesn’t recognize you, try staying calm and gently joining her reality instead of correcting her. Soft reminders and familiar routines often help ease her fear. You don’t have to manage this alone — at Oakleigh of Macomb Senior Living, we see these challenges every day. If you ever want to talk or simply explore supportive options, we’re always here to help.