Father in memory care one day loves it one day hates it

disdream

our family is on a rollercoaster with my father. He is in a memory care facility now. He calls one part of the day in good spirits and hours later he is agitated and irritated with the facility. He upsets my mother tremendously and she does not know how to handle it. She, herself, is recovering from a stroke, which is why my father progressed so quickly. We are questioning removing his phone but that also is his way to communicate with her. Possibly blocking him at night? WHATS the answer? Mom talks of bringing him home to trial what he will do? We feel this is a terrible idea. What say yall??

Damiross

Inconsistency is the hardest part of this disease.

Is there any way you can screen the calls from your father to you mother and let him talk t her only when he is not agitated? I would block his phone during the night time.

I don't think I'd bring him home except for just a few hours (i.e. no overnight or longer). at a time.

SDianeL

welcome. Glad you are here but not for the reason. This is very common in dementia. I would “lose” the phone. The facility may have a phone they can bring him so he can call once a day. Or your Mom can let all the calls go to voice mail and call him once a day. Maybe call in the morning when he’s probably in a better mood, right after breakfast. I would not talk to him in the evenings as that’s when they are sundowning. Talk to his doctor about anti anxiety meds to calm him. Your Mom needs to understand that it’s his disease talking not him. Tell her she can’t reason with him because his reasoner is broken. She should try redirecting him by changing the subject. Sometimes that works but many times not. The book “The 36 Hour Day” is a good book to help understand the disease. Come here often for info and support.