My mom just said she is the most comfortable she has been in her life

Anonymousjpl123

I know this won’t last. She came home for a visit. We’re hanging out on the couch watching Yule log after a meal I cooked (poorly). She is on hospice, needs an aide 6 hours a day, and hardly says full words. But for just one moment…I asked if she was comfortable and she looked at me and said “believe it or not, I’m comfortable for the first time in my life.” I know she may not mean it. I know it’s passing. But what a thanksgiving gift.

this journey is so painful 99% of the time. I am grateful for just that moment.

psg712

A beautiful gift. Don't analyze it, just savor it! Special moments like that are rare treasures. I'm so glad for you.

ARIL

A moment to cherish for sure!

SDianeL

🙏💜

JulietteBee

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74702/my-mom-just-said-she-is-the-most-comfortable-she-has-been-in-her-life

I love that for you.🧡

Happy Thanksgiving!

MissingMom

My mom is currently in a MC facility. It’s a great place for her. She’s the most active out of all the patients that are in MC. She doesn’t initiate a conversation, or add to the discussion. But you can tell she’s listening to what is being said. We also brought her home Thanksgiving day, and really enjoyed. The problem is she never wants to go back. She always wants to stay with us. This is killing my father. He gets emotional everytime he leaves. He is not much of a talker, so when he goes to see her, they just kind of sit. He said it’s so sad to be there. He talks about being lonely, but won’t get out of the house. Help!!!! I feel like both parents are slipping away. I could really use some advice about this.

ESkayP

I had a few moments like that with my mother before she passed away. One time we were sitting closely on the couch in her apartment. I put my arm around her, and she snuggled in. We looked at the fall leaves on the trees outside her window. I said, "I love this time of year, don't you?" She actually said, "Yes." I didn't expect her to respond, but at that moment we were in sync. It's the little things that linger and bring you solace. Thanks for sharing that moment with us.

ESkayP

@MissingMom You could probably start a whole new thread about both of your parents "slipping away" and how unsettling that is. Any advice I could offer about this would be to not try to find a solution. Situations of loneliness and sadness are often not resolved but endured. Maybe, don't try to fix it. Just acknowledge it and accept it. Your mom not wanting to go back to the facility just means she truly had a good time with you. Your dad feeling sad and lonely only means the bond he has with your mother is very strong. Let your dad know that you feel sad too, and that you understand how lonely he must feel without your mom there. It has been my experience that when people are feeling low, they don't really want to snap out of it. They want understanding and commiseration. Just sitting with one's sadness and enduring it is validating and uplifting in its own way.

Anonymousjpl123

@MissingMom i completely understand what you are going through. That is a very good way of describing dementia - it really does feel like the person is “slipping away” to us caretakers sometimes. It’s so very hard. I have had such hard time with one parent I can’t imagine taking care of two.

I agree wirh @ESkayP that talking to your dad may help. We think they can’t talk about serious things but who knows, maybe he would respond well if you said “god, yes this is hard.” I am sure you already do sometimes.

In terms of your mom not wanting to go back, I understand. My mom was like that at her other place. She would just hate it. Where she is now she likes, but it could also be that she’s further along in her dementia.

That’s kind of why I posted this. So you can know there may be an ok future in sight. You are doing right by your parents. That is what matters.

Thank you so much to everyone who responded. It means a lot. I do try to hold on to these moments because the rest of it is so hard. I am so grateful we have each other to vent to. My friends not coping with this have no idea why it is so all consuming.