Still in a fog of emotions

Leonard Shelby

M, 59. Wife, sister and kids ganged up on me this summer to get checked out. They said I kept asking them the same questions and could not correctly recall recent events. I am a teacher. I had noticed that I stumbled over some analogies I usually used to go with certain slides. But, No way I had an impairment, right?

They hounded me to get checked. My neuro said I passed the little card test they gave me and said I'm ok. But, family insisted I get a second opinion. Went to the Memory Center at our major hospital. They did the test and said it wasn't that bad, but they had an experimental blood test that they could use to detect amyloid. The test came back "borderline." Dr. said to get a PET scan just in case. Lit up like a Christmas tree. Every lobe. Centiloid score of 144. My brain is basically rotting from all the plaques.

Tonight, I am nervously waiting for my APOE4 test results to see if it is advisable to go on one of the antibody therapies. My short term memory is shot. I am writing everything down like Guy Pearce in Memento (haven't started tattooing anything on me, yet). Otherwise, I feel "normal."

Just trying to figure out what the new "normal" is going to be. Thinking about how long I might or might not have. Had long term plans that are likely out the door. No way I make it to my grandson's HS graduation (he's 2). But, then, where do I make it to? And, when do I stop trying to make it?

I worked in a retirement home in my high school years. I have seen where this goes. I have vivid memories of those days, still. It was horrible. No way I am going out like that. It is either going to be VSED or Switzerland. I am fortunate that my wife and sister are NP's and support me in this.

Sorry for the dump. I don't really have any questions, yet. But, this is the first place I found where there are people in a similar place and I am thankful to all of you for sharing your journey. Peace to all of you.