Progression

lanie68ny

So moms been in an Amazing ALF. She loves it. I love it it literally is the best blessing. That said recently last 6 months or so, when I pick her up on Sunday our weekly visit at my house ( I go there 2xs a week) she wants to leave, politely after an hour. Normally she spends the day we eat, watch football game, BS. Today, Thanksgiving she didn't even stay for dinner. My husband says it's normal, she needs routine makes her feel safe.

I know her memory is definitely worse she cannot retain anything new. But beyond the memory she's great.

I guess im just a little hurt and dissapointed We dont get to spend our time. But if she's happy, Im happy. Just starting to miss her? Sounds crazy.

Happy Thanksgiving

SDianeL

sadly yes it’s common. Routine is important. It may be time to stop picking her up and taking her out of the facility as it increases her anxiety. I would go celebrate with her at the facility instead. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which explains the disease and behaviors. It helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. I would also consider moving her to memory care. It’s more secure and safer for her so she doesn’t wander off. Also, MC caregivers are better trained to care for PWD.

MissOldMom

my mom, who has now lived with us for about a year and a half, did the same thing last Thanksgiving when we went to my son and DIL’s house. There were a lot of people there in a small space and even tho I sat right beside her the entire time, and even tho she adores my son and DIL, she wanted to leave the moment she was done eating. So we did. Then she proceeded to have memories of being at their wedding the year before (she wasn’t) and was insistent she was there. That’s when I truly started to understand the memory thing even more. She takes other peoples stories and thinks they are her own memories. And that was the year that I realized that it was fine that she did that. It didn’t hurt anyone. Anyway that was a side note to this year…so this year, she fell in July. Ever since then, even tho she says she likes to go places, when it’s time to go she pretty much self-sabotages in a way and “doesn’t feel well.” Happened yesterday. She is just more comfortable at the house with her familiars and no “new” things or people to have to face. I was thankful for the book that was mentioned above “The 36 hour day” plus I’ve read a few on caregiving and I have this forum and watch tons of videos about Alzheimer’s. It has truly made me more understanding that this is where Mom is going to live now…in a very limited but COMFORTABLE and safe space in her breaking mind. She simply wants to stay home. If we could have kept her in her hometown of 40+ years, we would have. It was an amazingly difficult transition for her (and us) but we made it and now it’s just her existing daily (we actually all feel that way in our house including her). She says she is not trying to prolong her life, hates having to go to drs for pills, and truly she is just staying in bed more, watches game shows and then MeTV all day and plays solitaire on her phone. It’s all she wants to do. We do go to church but even those mornings are iffy about if she’ll feel up to it. Not lying but last time I took her to a regular scheduled drs appt for a check up, she literally acted like she was going to fall over right there from fatigue. Once in the car and driving home, miraculously she was fine.

I guess I’m just trying to say that from my own experience with Mom and from all the reading I’ve done and research, as they progress, this will happen more. They are just feeling safer not leaving their daily familiar….as familiar as someone with dementia can feel any familiarity at all.

Keep them safe, comfortable, and clean. Hang in there! You’ve got this!

psg712

Yes this is common, and yes it is sad. I brought my mom to my house yesterday for Thanksgiving dinner, around noon. Total of six people including her, no one unfamiliar, no small kids. She seemed to enjoy the meal but then dozed off and on, didn't really talk or engage with anyone. I eventually asked her if she was ready to go back to her place and she said yes. When we got there (ten minutes away), she stood in the parking lot and needed lots of direction to move to the door. Once we were in, she couldn't locate her room. That has never occurred before. I think she was just mentally exhausted from the time away from her familiar space ... although she's been to my house many times, and it was only her kids and grandson there. I just try to focus on the good parts ... she got to spend a little time with the family.