cant do it anymore

Metemptosis

I have finally reached breaking point to look after my dad anymore too many obsticales by his ex wife who is involved .
if i walk away am i a bad person

Maru

A wise person knows what they can handle, when they are approaching the breaking point. Without knowing any of the circumstances, you do need to know who is the legal next of kin. If the ex-wife does not have POA then you, as the daughter, outweigh her legally. Is it possible that you have power here that you are not using?

jgreen

Hi @Metemptosis

Bravo to you for being your Dad’s primary caretaker. And ‘No’ you are not a bad person for having human feelings. We all go thru those rough times - sometimes several times a day. Learn how to find a quiet place, take some deep breaths, and get back to a good frame of mind. You are doing the best you can and your Dad is so very lucky to have you.

I agree with @Maru in that you need to learn who has legal power to speak for your Dad. I encourage you to speak with an Elder Care Attorney about this. It will cost you some money to set up a consult, but worth it for your piece of mind.

Do as much research on the disease as you can. Knowledge gives you some power and also helps with all the emotions you are feeling. There are some reputable people out there - Tam Cummings, Teepa Snow, and the Dementia Careblazers. The Book “The 36-Hour Day” (8th ed.) is also full of advice and tips for caregivers.

Come here when you need. We are here for you. Sending you a big hug. 💝

H1235

Welcome. My brother has been an unbelievable source of stress when caring for my mom. In the beginning I tried so so hard to work with him. I eventually discovered that was not possible. At this point I avoid him at all costs. I don’t call to tell him how my visit went or consensual I might have. I do what I need to do without seeking his input. As others have said, it’s important to know who has the DPOA. You said his ex wife is causing problems. The key point here is ex. Instead of dealing with her over care, could you see a lawyer to find a way to get her out of the picture? Have you talked with your doctor about anxiety medication or a counselor. I avoided medication for way too long. I hope you can find a solution.

CindyBum

I am so sorry. I'm with the others. Ex-wife does not need to be involved, unless she has the legal authority. If she doesn't, time to kick her off of the team.