I'm feeling a little disturbed

Merla

My parent called me upset that she had received notice that a family friend had just passed away unexpectedly. She had this whole elaborate story abut how she received notice via a phone call and was quite upset about this as this is someone she interacts with in the present. Her recollection was so vivid and her emotions so real so I believed her but wanted confirmation. So I texted this person and they are alive and well.

I just found this so disturbing. I really believed the passing to be true for 10 minutes. It's a total fabrication or hallucination or terrible dream that blended into reality. This is a new symptom which I just find so disturbing.

pamu

It's really disturbing, especially at first when it's a new behavior. For my mother's first month in MC, she was convinced that her twin sister passed away. Then after a while the story changed to that her twin's husband passed away. We let those delusions rest for a while and then we called them together so mom could talk to her. Mom was unaffected and didn't remember that she thought they had passed away. She also confabulates that she has brain cancer. She doesn't. To her these delusions are very real so we have learned to sit with her and just and listen. At some point we try to divert her to think or do something else. Sometimes she repeats these delusions, sometimes not. Her moments of clarity are few and far between so I know this will occur more frequently. Take care and come here often for support.

ESkayP

My mother began having delusions about a year before we moved her into AL. She would call around sundown with some odd story that I knew wasn't true. She was certain a former colleague had died. She was retired, so I finally had to give up on trying to convince her of her error. I was still in a phase of correcting her which I abandoned when I realized that's not what I was supposed to do. I eventually learned to just go with it until I could calm her down. One time she said repairmen were in the house and wouldn't leave. One time, her mother (my grandmother, long dead) had come to visit but wouldn't come out of the guest room. One time, she said my sister (who lives a couple states away) had stopped in for a visit and then left without saying goodbye. Often it had to do with believing she had let a little girl into the house and that she had tried to find out where the little girl's family was. As time went on, her phone calls became more and more emphatic, more detailed. At one point I asked her to hand the phone over to the little girl so I could talk to her, and it made her stop for a moment. It took some careful questioning, but I finally figured out that she was mistaking her dog for a little girl. When her lucidity returned, she was always apologetic and confused why she had believed something so weird. It was a really disturbing time for her and for me. In fact, I told myself for months that Mom had just had too much to drink. She had begun to self-medicate her growing anxiety with wine in the evenings. I'm sure that didn't help, but the delusions were signs of her dementia progressing. Once we moved her into AL and almost immediately into MC afterward, her delusions subsided to a certain degree. She had a couple more "little girl" episodes, but most of the time she just wanted me to let Dad (also long dead) and her parents know where she was. That was mild in comparison to believing her dog was a child. It seems that each stage of dementia has its own oddities that can be very disturbing. I tried to change my perspective and raise the spectrum on my weirded out meter. When you open your heart to your LO's new "reality" and develop a practice of saying yes, it can become almost comforting. I could assure Mom that her parents knew where she was and that I'd give Dad a call for her since she had "lost" her phone. I learned a new level of acceptance that helped me feel less disturbed, more understanding. It takes time and practice, and believe me it isn't always consistent like an exact science. You're in the right place to share your experience. Most of us can relate in one way or another. My mother passed away last month, and I still come back here to check in with folks going through this difficult journey.

Merla

Thanks. Your experiences are helpful to hear. I'm finding this new symptom just hard to like it's clear the disease is progressing and for some reason it's just disturbing like a real sign of "crazy" as opposed to forgetting or not understanding or getting lost or confused. I've witnessed a few of her delusions but none so disturbing. Fortunately she now understands that this person is Alive and well and ironically we both just laugh about this incident. I try to take things lightly with dementia otherwise it's all just depressing

SDianeL

Delusions, hallucination and confabulations are very common in dementia. The Neurologist prescribed Risperidone which helped my DH for awhile. I would ask her doctor. New behaviors are like gut punches. They catch us off guard. Search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings specific to delusions and hallucinations and you will learn tips on how to handle them with her. Don’t be surprised if the delusion resurfaces although she understands today that her friend is alive, her short term memory is gone. I learned here that you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken.