transition to incontinence

Timmyd

Most of us understand that we will eventually have to deal with this, but are any of us really prepared? This weekend DW went from having a rare, occasional accident to being unable to use the toilet. It felt like she was peeing everywhere but in the toilet. She still has good mobility and seems to get up when it is time to go, but missed the toilet many times this weekend. When I do get her on the toilet she sometimes complains of pain.

I am working to rule out any reversible causes, UTI, constipation, etc and setting up a regular bathroom schedule. In the meantime, we have transitioned to pull-up diapers. She seems to tolerate them so far, but I know she is not happy about it. The first ones I bought don't fit that well and I will go shopping again later today.

In the meantime, for those who made the transition, or had some experience similar to mine, any insight or advice? Did other people see the transition occur gradually or suddenly? How do I check a diaper with dignity?

Both of us find this to be a very sad experience.😕 It is another gut punch to pick ourselves up from. Like other gut punches, we will adapter and endure. "Knocked down nine times, get up ten"

H1235

The depends you would find easily in your local store may work for a while, but if you have trouble with leaks (especially overnight) there are thicker more absorbent brands. I got the Tena brand through Amazon. You could probably find something heavier at a medical supply store as well.

annie51

My DH seemed to move quickly also…from small accidents to not realizing where he needed to go pee, to peeing in his underwear and getting angry, to finally not being able to control it at all. I was able most times to get him to wear pull-ups and as @H1235 said, those will work for a while. I had a difficult time with him letting me help him so changes became a battle and I wished I had something more absorbent so it didn’t need to be changed as often. Nighttime was harder as he would sleep right through sometimes and not get up. Bed protection became very important. As for checking the diaper with dignity, I never found a way! I could tell sometimes by the weight or sometimes the smell but that usually meant I waited too long. Hopefully others have better advice.

tonyac2

My DH wears Tena briefs. They have yellow dashes down the front and up the back. When it’s wet they turn grey. That’s how I tell. They cost a little more but well worth it. At night he uses the Purewick system.

Chammer

I moved a post to the top on the caregiver page titled useful tips and products. There is a very helpful comment by @Ed1937 regarding incontinence products and making the bed for overnight incontinence from April 2023. Hope it helps!

SDianeL

So sorry you are at this point. There are reasons why they miss the toilet. If you want to keep trying to get her to use it, here are some tips: They forget how to sit down. You will need to help her with simple directions. Hold both her hands and back her up and tell her to sit. Their vision is also affected. I put night lights in the hall to the bathroom and a bright one in the bathroom plus an led battery operated one on the toilet tank. Get a brightly colored toilet seat. The contrast helps. I put toilet bowl cleaner in the toilet that turned the water blue. That helped for awhile. You might want to get clothes that open in the back so she can’t take them off. Instead of pulling the pull-ups down, cut or tear them off. See if they make ones you can put on like a diaper rather than having her step into them. They make disposable mats that go around the base of the toilet on the floor to catch spills. Read the info about making the bed in layers so you can quickly change it at night. Many people install a bidet to help with cleanups.

CindyBum

Oh man. I never knew a person could pee so much. My poor DW always has to go pee now and I go through pads like they're going out of style. I might go broke just from buying so many pads. Here's my setup.

She currently wears Poise overnight pads. We tried so many different types of pull-up underwear, but they were all too bulky and didn't fit well, because she has lost so much weight. She hated them, so I tried the pads. She puts up with the pads and they rarely leak. They have definitely held 2 pees a couple of nights with no issues because the pad held the moisture. They do "lock in wetness", but not so much odor. I will likely have to switch to pull ups with bowel incontinence, but we're not there yet.

I put down large pet pee pads under the sheet to catch anything that does leak.

I also bought a waterproof mattress pad that I just put on top of the regular mattress pad for extra protection. I can afford more pads more than I can a new bed!

I bought baby wipes for cleanup. Water is beginning to scare her, so these I can sneak in with a quick wipe.

I'm also off to buy a couple of raised toilet seats with handles. She's become afraid of sitting on the toilet and whenever I try to help, she resists even more. Fortunately, the pads will hold in the pees she skips, but it's getting to scary watching her try to figure out how to sit while she's panicking about having to pee.

Hang in there!

M5M

I highly recommend a bidet. It is likely to late for you (TimmyD) to use, but for all the people out there reading this, a bidet makes life much easier, if you install it while they can still understand/adjust. DH was absolutely opposed to one, until he had a bowel movement and I ran the bidet….it cleans off the "underside" with a gentle spray of water…now he thinks it is pretty great.

Chance Rider

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260875#Comment_260875

My husband is late stage 4 and, so far anyway, still able to use the toilet alone. That said, I’ve watched a couple of videos to learn techniques for when the time comes.

Teepa Snow demonstrates a technique for easing someone onto a toilet that might lessen the fear associated with trying to sit down.

I hope the link works.

https://youtu.be/7ZYVx9ti9ng?si=M8ZcElssEfKAlQN0

persevere

Hey Timmy, hang in there. My DW is mainly incontinent with bowel movements. I make sure to take her regularly so it helps. She is in pullups full time. I don’t really like the ones hospice provides but they’re free at least. I’ve sort of organized the area with some shelves and a lidded trash can. On the shelves I have disposable gloves, wipes, toilet paper, pullups. You need good wipes. I also have a low small chair for those times when I have to get the shoes and pants off while she’s sitting instead of me kneeling or bending over. I also have a bidet seat. You can order them online but you need power to plug it in. I had a remodel job a couple years ago in anticipation. Run an extension cord if you have to. The bidet seat is good but it won’t solve all the issues. That Teepa Snow video was good. DW is lately having issues sitting down. Video has a good technique.