Electrical work

ninjalynx

Hi. This is my first post. I have a relative who is in the middle stages of cognitive decline and is waiting for an appointment to receive a more official diagnosis. Their spouse insists that he live at home. Over the years he's done most of his home repairs. He believes he is still capable of doing such repairs and helps himself to electrical work, power tools, etc. when no one's looking. He has already been injured doing this.

The other day an electrical need was brought to his attention against my advice. He decided to try and fix this. Another relative asked if they could do the work and have him "supervise." In the process, they were almost electrocuted because of improperly marked wiring that he had no idea was there (after owning the place for a very long time). When he adamantly insisted that he be allowed to continue, the entire family intervened and an agreement was made to have our electrician come out to look at it with him.

He has announced repeatedly that he's going to "have another look at things" and tried to trick other family members into going along with this. When he knew no one was looking he snuck into the same area twice to continue the high risk work. Thankfully a security camera caught him. The first time his wife called to him he pretended like he wasn't there. The second time he finally emerged from that room.

He is so insistent that he knows how to fix this that he talked his wife into holding another family meeting to allow him to do some of the work. She says,
"he used to do this professionally" and "he has to have something to do!" There are myriad other lower risk projects he could be working on-- as she likes to remind him. My part of the family stood our ground and continue to remind her that he should not be handling complex tasks like electrical work and using power tools. But she's not ready to "police" his behavior 24 hours a day. She's also in denial that he's at a stage where him doing complex tasks is unsafe, yet she's also the one taking him to his appointments for related issues.

I wonder if she's so used to him doing such work that it's hard for her to accept that they have to pay professionals now. Oddly, it's for this reason that the electrician was hired just a few months ago. His doctor just deemed it unsuitable for him to have a driver's license as well (he "promised" not to drive but won't give up the keys).

The bottom line, as I've told the family, is I'm not going to negotiate matters that involve allowing someone with marked cognitive decline to risk everyone else's safety. At the same time he's been trying to "fix" a gas stove using methods that could cause gas leaks or an explosion. I told them of a professional who's willing to help but he keeps pulling the stove apart.

So how do you get other family members to understand that he can no longer do complex repair tasks? I already wrote this out in an email explaining the changes that take place in the brain at this stage. Not sure what effect that had. Thank you.

terei

When I read ‘pulling the stove apart’…OMG. If I was able to access the home of the family member, all tools would be removed and locks put sensitive areas. If the wife cannot bring herself to take control of the situation I dont know if there is much you can do until there is a crisis.

H1235

Welcome. Some people just don’t get it or don’t want to accept it. I will attach some resources that might be helpful, but in my experience these family members may not even read them or will just claim he is not nearly that far along. Dementia is about so much more than memory loss. Judgement, executive functioning, priorities, logical thinking and short attention span are all common. Sadly she may only figure it out when he has harmed himself or others. People with dementia often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. There is NOTHING that will convince them there is a problem. They present themselves with such confidence and determination it’s easy to get sucked into believing they are really that capable (especially in the beginning). You-tube has some good videos that may be helpful. It sounds like she might be in denial. Maybe you could encourage his wife to bring up these projects with his doctor and ask his opinion. I would imagine the doctor will say he is not capable. She may put more stock in this coming from a doctor. Unfortunately I don’t know what else you can do.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your relative. Your relative has Anosognosia which is a neurological/psychiatric condition where a person is unaware of their own disability, deficit, or illness, stemming from brain changes, not conscious denial, and common in conditions like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, Alzheimer's, and after strokes. He will never understand he has cognitive decline. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Dementia is more than memory loss. Executive ability and problem solving may be the first thing affected. He should no longer be driving. If he’s in an accident his insurance company could refuse to pay and he could be sued and lose everything even if it’s not his fault. Hide the keys or disable the car. As for his spouse, many are in denial. They don’t want to face the fact that their LO has a disease. Someone needs to convince her that it is not safe for him to be doing anything. Hide his tools. Disable the stove. Does anyone have DPOA or Medical POA? Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and buy her a copy and ask her to read it. Read our posts to her if you have to. Please keep us posted.

towhee

Another concept that might be helpful is showtiming. This is when the person with dementia uses a lot of cognitive "energy" to present normally for short periods of time, often when people visit. Put that together with the fact that judgement is lost early in the disease while the ability to socialize remains until very late, and it is hard for people to get a clear picture.

The hard thing is that facts are coming up against emotion. No one wants their loved one to be losing the self that they have been. It is really hard to accept that your life and their life will be totally changed. A structure has to be built that will support the PWD without their realizing it (so that they are given safe activities and dangerous objects removed or made safe) and it sounds like your relatives spouse will need a great deal of support in doing that. It really is a 24/7 job, and the spouse cannot do it alone. She may not be able to do it at all. It is not unheard of in older couples for both to be affected by dementia but in different stages.

About your family, sometimes we say on here to ask the question "Would you let your 5-year-old grandchild be with "PWD" when they are driving"? or in this case while fixing a gas stove, etc. Another thing sometimes said is if your PWD was in their right mind, would they ever put someone else in danger just to keep their pride?

I hope your relatives can be safe.

ARIL

I do not have additional advice, but I am chiming in with empathy and understanding. My situation was different but related. In my case it was a parent and a stepparent both with undiagnosed, untreated dementia living in a house in a rural area. My parent’s decline was growing obvious (even to him), but his wife urged him to continue with all the household and yard chores he had always done (plumbing, electrical work, mowing, tree pruning, etc.). When I knew about problems, I helped hire professionals—which made her angry. Although he quit driving when his doctor told him to, I have heard her scream at him: “You’re the man. You’re supposed to drive me places!” Even a few years later I am still enraged about that one.

There was no reasoning with her or her family, even after she set the oven on fire twice. So we did have to wait for a crisis to manage a move to AL and quickly to MC. I will always be grateful that no one was killed, because it could have happened very easily.

I hope you can get the larger family pulling in the same direction and can decide on a course of action to care for everyone. I very much hope you get a resolution quicker than we did.

harshedbuzz

@ninjalynx

The couple in this scenario sound awfully like my parents. Mom was in denial about dad's dementia for nearly a decade. She wrote it off as "a normal part of the aging process" and was oblivious to the bigger picture losses around spatial reasoning, executive function, apathy, empathy, and short-term memory. She didn't want to accept the reality that she no longer had a competent and equal partner and frankly, when he was off doing dangerous things, he wasn't relying on her to entertain him.

I think the denial was multifactorial. She was a bit like the frog set to boil in a warm pot of water; PWD do tend to showtime, have "better" times of day, and maintain long ago acquired skills and memories. But she also didn't want to make the concessions needed to her lifestyle and trigger aggression in a spouse who was difficult as a baseline.

As a family member, your ability to address this situation is very limited without complete cooperation of the spouse. If you know who their PCP and neurologist are, you could contact them and explain what you are seeing. Because of HIPAA they won't be able to discuss this with you, but you can report what you are seeing. Another alternative is to call APS but frankly, it's unlikely anything would come of it as it would be hard to prove neglect in this situation.

HB