Every Day My Dad Wants to leave NH

Mav2126

I don't know how to stop the insanity. My dad is physically disabled and almost bed bound. He keeps saying he is fine and I should pick him up and take him Home. I can't take this every day over and over. This could go on for years. And each time I talk with him 5 minutes later he forgots starting the cycle over again.

terei

The phone has to go. Tell him it’s broken and you are taking it to get fixed. Then, IF HE ASKS, ‘the parts are on back order’ Rinse and repeat. The facility will call if they need you.

Mav2126

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/262187#Comment_262187

I am incredibly sensitive and attached. I know it makes me look weak but it's hard for me to lie to my father. He has changed but he is still my father.

psg712

You are not weak, but you need to make a tough choice. 1. Remove the phone with whatever explanation you can live with - and hope that, like many PWD, he will eventually forget about it. 2. Stop answering his calls. Let them go to voice mail, and listen or delete later. The facility will call you for anything truly urgent. 3. Continue the current pattern. This will not give you or your dad peace, but if you can't bring yourself to take away the phone or stop answering, you'll have to deal with the constant requests to go home.

We know how hard it is to set limits on a cognitively impaired parent. It doesn't feel respectful, but it is the responsible thing to do for them. Yes, he is still your father ... but he isn't the same man he was before dementia. Now he needs you to be the parent. It's sad. It might help you to talk with a counselor about your feelings or call the Alzheimers association helpline.

H1235

In my opinion you need to pace yourself. This whole ugly mess is gut wrenching and so incredibly stressful. You’re going to burn yourself out. If he is calling you daily or multiple times a day block his number. If you are calling him daily I would stop. Think about how much contact you can handle and how little you can get by with without feeling guilty ( there is probably no way around some feeling of guilt). Then stick with that amount of contact. I call my mom every two or three days and visit once a week. She never calls me, she doesn’t like me very much these days. This is what works for me. You will have to find what works for you. If there is a problem the facility will call you. You should see your doctor about your stress, maybe medication, exercise plan (it helps with stress) and/or counseling.

Mav2126

Thanks guys for the options and the support. Very much appreciated. I think I found a compromise. Verizon has an app that you can block outgoing calls which will solve the problem and he still can receive calls from us.

psg712

That sounds like a good way to manage your stress around the phone. Please let us know how it goes for you and your dad.

April23

PWD don’t understand their condition. He will always think he’s fine, that will never change. Can he receive calls from people other than his contacts on his phone and thus be open to scammers? Something else to consider. In reality he would probably be less agitated if he didn’t have it and everyone’s life would be more peaceful.