I am frantic

babettesfeafst

Over the past few months I have noticed cognitive decline in my husband. He often forgets things, brings me the wrong item I've asked for, cannot remember events that happened several minutes ago, i.e. that is, I will tell him something and he will ask me almost immediately for info I just provided. Our PCP has referred us to a Geriatric Center of Excellence at an Ivy teaching hospital. I have been in touch with/ the atty I want to do all end of life documents.

I'm very worried about money. Though my husband is a brilliant IT expert and has been paid well, we have made some bad choices and had some bad luck. We have no assets. He is not yet retired at 69. if he has dementia he will not be able to do his work.

Finally all of this is happening just weeks before I have a total shoulder replacement.

Help.

terei

You are right to get your legal ducks in a row. You should also look closely at your husband’s medical/disability coverage at work. If he indeed has dementia, he may very well be covered for long term disability coverage so he should not consider quitting his job til he has a solid diagnosis to take advantage of that.

SDianeL

Welcome. Sorry about your husband. When you see the attorney, be sure to get DPOA, Medical POA and HIPPA forms for each healthcare provider. Don’t wait. He has to understand what he’s signing. Don’t tell him it’s because of his memory. Just tell him you’re both doing them because you’re getting older. Speak to the attorney before the appt. Ask the Elder Law Attorney about Medicaid in your state. File for Social Security. Is your husband a veteran? If so, talk to the VA. While you’re waiting for the diagnosis, read the book “ The 36 Hour Day” which will explain the disease. Come here often for info and support. You can also call the toll free number at the bottom of this page. Hope your surgery goes well. 💜

Michele P

You have been given excellent advice here. Your husband probably should not be driving. If he has Alzheimer’s or a type of dementia and gets in an accident, you can get sued for everything you own. Call your car insurance company and ask about coverage. If he is driving, take out a two million dollar umbrella policy. This was advised by our attorney. Put TILE gps trackers on phones, keys, wallets. It tracks the items and the person. Get a plan b in place in the event you can’t care for him. This should involve getting on a wait list at an assisted living/ memory care facility. You will have to take over all finances. Get a list of all accounts, log ins and passwords. This includes phones and computers. Put bills on auto pay. If you are near a Mayo Clinic, look into The Habit Program. It helped us tremendously. Best of luck.

Jgirl57

Welcome and I understand your frantic feelings. It sounds like you have a good start with your legal appointment ( they can answer many of your financial concerns) and the geriatric appt will give you “some” answers but everyone’s journey is different. Focus your attention on your shoulder surgery and your recovery. Glad you found this forum to vent, ask questions and find good reading suggestions. (((Hugs)))