New Alzheimer's Diagnosis
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So sorry you need to be here, but welcome. This is a great place to pose questions, vent or browse old posts for information. I have attached a few resources that might be helpful. Caregivers tend to like to use the 7 stage dbat model (not that it really matters).
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Hi and welcome. This place has what you are seeking. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found us.
You didn't ask, but now is the time to get your legal ducks in a row regarding powers of attorney, advanced directives, and Medicaid planning (unless you have limitless resources). You'll want to see a certified elder law attorney for that.
HB6 -
welcome. Sorry about your wife’s diagnosis. You are at the right place for support. I would start with the book “The 36 Hour Day” and by searching online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings. They are very helpful. Come here often and read other posts in the Caring for Spouse or Partner section and post questions and comments there. We understand what you are going through.
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On the third Wednesday evening of every month, I participate in a Zoom meeting with other men in our situation. Their wives are in every stage of dementia. We support each other, share experiences, ask questions, and offer advice. I feel it has helped me, and I think it will help you. It's called Lorenzo's light house Here is their link
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Thank you very much
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Thank you for your response. I have the name of a good estate planning attorney but have not contacted him yet. Your suggestion encourages me to make it a priority to call him.
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Thanks. I've ordered The 36 hour Day on Audible.
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Thanks. I've bookmarked it for future reference. -- Bob
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Welcome. Your top priority is getting your legal affairs in order now while you can both make decisions. Part of your future planning should be a plan b in the event something happens to you. Plan for who will care for your loved one. We toured assisted living and memory care facilities and got on a waitlist. The wait can be years in some areas. The facilities are booked to capacity. Make sure the deposit is fully refundable. Get TILE gps trackers and place on keys, wallet, phone. If your loved one is driving and gets in an accident, you can get sued for everything you own. There are agencies that offer a three hour test to access if you are capable of driving. Call your insurance company and ask if an accident would be covered with the diagnosis. Get log in and passwords for all accounts, phone, computer. You will have to take over all finances. If there is a Mayo Clinic near you, look into the HABIT Program. Excellent! Find out what agencies in your area offer in home care. Get pricing. Call the local Council for the Aging and ask what is available including a daycare option for seniors. If there is an Oaisis Senior Services in your area, reach out to them. They offer free assistance in getting the help for what you would need to care for your loved one. Best of luck.
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Thank you for your help. It is hard to know how quickly we need to act. My wife's condition seems stable and only affecting short term memory. Talk of not driving and nursing homes is a little scary. She is somewhat in denial and making the hard decisions will be tough. - Bob Sharp
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I understand that this disease is frightening. You have to do whatever it takes now to protect your wife and yourself. If something happens to you, who would care for your wife? This thought is what had us get on a waitlist at an assisted living/memory care facility. There are facilities that offer three hour driving tests to access if you are capable of driving. MCI and Alzheimer’s impacts driving. Call your car insurance company and ask if they will cover an accident with an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. Most won’t. You can’t wait on this. If your wife gets into an accident , even if it isn’t her fault, the insurance company will deem her at fault because she should not be driving. It can bankrupt you.
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That's she's already reached moderate state muddies the situation for you as care partner.
Even if you're not seeing more than short term memory, there are certainly losses in executive functioning, processing speed, and reasoning skills that make multitasking a challenge. She likely has some loss of empathy and awareness of the degree of her impairment (anosognosia). To that end, she may be beyond having productive conversations about her life going forward.
The driving issue is a unity horse around these parts. It's possible her auto policy was voided the moment her Alzheimer's diagnosis hit her chart or if she is driving AMA. My parents' policy has this feature. I would check with your agent.
HB1 -
All great advice here. From the legal aspect probably the most important thing you can do right now is get durable power of attorney. Do it now before she is unable to sign documents. It will become much more difficult after that.
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I'm as 71 year old wife who placed my 75 year old husband of 46 years in memory care 6 months ago. I'm glad we met with an elder law attorney two years ago as he declining quickly. He held in the early/middle stages for a long time, but now decline comes quickly. He stopped (was stopped) driving when he was still self-aware; he recognized that he was a threat to others as well as himself. I was fortunate there. Now, of course, he asks about his car, my car, keys, wallet . . . none of which he has anymore. If you choose placement, I'd visit 5 or more places. They are hugely differenet. Best to you.1
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Thank you. Coni is in moderate stage with what I thought was just memory loss. She is now showing signs of poor judgement and hearing sounds that are not there. She also has problems following a recipe and other routine tasks. I appreciate this group for helping. The book The 36 Hour Day" has also helped a lot.
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Welcome. As others have suggested, see an Elder Law attorney immediately while your wife can still sign legal documents. Get Hippa forms signed with all of her doctors. Put TILE GPS trackers on all keys, wallets, purse, phones. You can track the items and the person through the Life 360 app for free. Get log in and passwords for phones, computers, any of her accounts. Put a plan b in place in the event something happens to you, and you can no longer care for your wife. Tour assisted living/memory care facilities, and put her on a waitlist with a refundable deposit. Contact your local Council for the Aging and ask what services are available including adult day care. Call agencies that provide in home care and select one for when it becomes necessary. If there is an Oasis Senior Services in your area, call them. They can help with in home care and out of home placement. If you have a Mayo Clinic near you, get a referral for The Habit Program. Exceptional program for Alzheimer’s and other cognitive impairment patients and their caregivers.
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Thank you some much.
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I'm a new member. Like you,my wife is 70 and is devastated by the diagnosis. I wish I could help her more with the sadness she's feeling.
Julian J
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I am sorry to hear that. Our situation is a little different. Coni does not believe she has a problem and therefore has not processed what is happening to her. In your case, I suggest being there for her and building a support team for her. She might be heartened by the people in her life that will be there for her.
As for you, take care of yourself too. I'm reading "The 36-Hour Day" by Nancy Mace. It's a comprehensive guide for caregivers in our situation. I'm using an audio book that works best for me.
You are doing the right thing by reaching out. You should have your own support group as well. I wish the best for you and your wife. -Bob
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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