Moved Mom In

ssjones34

We moved my mom in a week ago that has dementia. I wish I could say it’s been a wonderful process, but it has not. It has been awful. She continually every day wants to call her brothers to come and get her and take her home she that we are in Florida when we actually are in Ohio. She keeps saying she wants her brothers to take her back to Ohio so she can be closer to her home I told her we are 10 minutes away from your house. We are closer than anyone but yet she continues to want to call them to come and get her and take her home. The doctors have given her medication to help calm her and it does sometimes but other times it does not and we just never get a break from it. It’s all day long wanting to use the phone going through her purse looking for phone numbers trying to find her phone so she can call them. I just don’t know if this is going to get any better than this. I mean, I know the dementia is not going to get any better, but will she get to the point where she will stop asking to call someone to come and get her to take her home ? And what is the best thing to say to her when she this all the time?

H1235

Welcome we often say here that you can’t reason with a person with dementia! Trying to explain why her brother is not going to pick her up, where she is at or why she needs to stay there is just not going to be effective. It’s usually best to live in her world. I would try to find something that might ease her mind a bit. Maybe tell her the doctors will contact her brother when she is ready to leave and she needs to stay just a little longer. Or you talked with her brother and he is not going to be able to pick her up til next week(or some time frame that she will forget). If she gets upset he can’t get her sooner, sympathize with her. Get creative and come up with something she will agree with to put off her brother picking her up. If something like this would calm her for just a short time, it’s better than nothing. You will be stuck repeating this story over and over and over, but again, if it calms her even a little it might be worth it. Medication can take a while to work and is usually started at a low dose. Continue to communicate with her doctor if things don’t improve. One week is not that long since she has moved in. It may take her a while to settle in and get used to the routine. Hopefully that will help also. I hope you can find a solution.

SDianeL

welcome. To PWD, home is a feeling not a physical place. She may or may not keep asking as the disease progresses. You can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Come up with fibs. If she’s using the phone perhaps hide it and tell her it’s broken and you are getting it fixed. Search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. I remember one that talked about wanting to go home. The book “The 36 Hour Day” is also helpful.

Victoriaredux

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abI3AHP2S4s

it's long but good

shorter different presenter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCbm9iwJmlo

AmandaF

My mom’s MC director told us about the 3/3/3 rule, which says that the first three days are hardest, the first three weeks mark another adjustment milestone, and after three months most people are somewhat acclimated. This was mostly true for us and I found the idea of a schedule reassuring.

Having a phone caused my mom a lot of anxiety and when we finally disappeared it, she became calmer and adjusted more quickly to her new life. Good luck, it’ll get easier.

pamu

Is the medication she on only used when she’s agitated? My mom has Ativan for when she has an especially hard time, but she is now on medication for anxiety and depression which they have slowly increased which has helped her a lot with agitation and other behaviors. If she doesn’t already have one, seek out a geriatric psychiatrist. They can help manage her symptoms. If she does have one reach out and let them know of the new behaviors since the move. They may need to adjust her meds. The only thing you can do is try to redirect her when she wants to make continuous calls. Either that or her brothers could make themselves unavailable to take all of her calls. Before my mom went to MC (no more cell phone now), she would call me throughout the day. It was very difficult.