Caring for my mom

630275id

Hi, I'm 58 yrs old and been caring for my mom and dad full time for the last 3 and a half yrs. Mom has alzheimers and dad had dementia. We lost him 2 and a half years ago. I seriously dont know how I've done it, not lost my mind that is, this is very hard, probably the hardest thing I've ever been through as I'm writing with tears. Mom is always asking where dad is, they were married for 65 years. I usually act like I dont know or say I think he went for a ride on his Harley! Lately she's been wanting to go back home but she doesn't even know where home is. I had her get in the car with ne yesterday acting like I was taking her back home. We ended up driving around for about an hour and got some tacos for dinner. But she is crying more often, is that part of it? She also packs everyday, to the point I had to remove most of her clothes and such just so I dont have as much to put back up. I could go on and on, I literally have my hands full and it's getting harder and I'm curious what's coming next, what should I expect?

H1235

Wecome, so sorry you need to be here. I have attached a few resources that might be helpful. I also think if you spend some time reading through a few posts here you will find you are not alone. If she is getting upset or anxious you might want to talk with her doctor about medication to help with anxiety. Depression and anxiety are common with dementia. As frustrated and overwhelmed as you are, it sounds like you are handling things well and taking good care of your mom. A rule we talk about often here is never arguing or try to reason with a person with dementia (it’s easier said than done). It’s best to live in their world and go along with them the best you can while still keeping them safe. That sounds like what you are doing.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

DBAT.pdf

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your parents. To PWD, home is a feeling not a physical place. Wanting to go home is caused by anxiety. You are doing the right things Redirect, distract or offer a treat. Ice cream worked for my DH. Fib if you must about your Dad. Ask her doctor for medication to calm her.

630275id

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/263587#Comment_263587

Thank you!

Anonymousjpl123

such a hard road - and I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad and for this very heavy burden you’re carrying. You sound like you are doing great, honestly - because this is hard and you know it and you are thinking ahead.

The only other thing to do is be sure your paperwork is in order - power of attorney, medical power of attorney, etc. This will help a lot. The other thing is to find support - here, Alzheimer’s family groups, your dept of aging: it’s a marathon not a sprint and it’s exhausting.

LIke others have said, home is a concept/feeling, I think, for people with dementia. They want to feel somewhere familiar. You can help her just by reassuring her she’s ok and not alone. And yes, meds can really help with anxiety. I’m glad you found this place. Lots of good advice.